Fifth day. Since first day I have been somewhat circumstanced as Mordecai formerly at the king’s gate, waiting and watching in much poverty of spirit, against intervening temptations, while making some necessary arrangements respecting my temporal affairs; being desirous that they may all be so conducted, under the ordering and limitation of truth, as to accord with the will of my heavenly Father, and thereby bring glory to his excellent name. Sat our meeting to-day in silence.
Sixth and seventh days. Nothing transpired requiring particular notice.
First day. I was led in our meeting to-day, under a sense of the great want among mankind in general of a right concern to become acquainted with their Creator, to set forth the great loss and suffering which must necessarily result to them from this state of ignorance, and want of the true knowledge of God, and of his will concerning them.
Seventh day, the 13th of 4th month. This week has passed since first day, without feeling sufficient to warrant making a short note; but being at present musing on the past time, and feeling no condemnation, although I had passed the present week mostly in caring for my temporal concerns; yet not so much, I trust, from the love I have for the world or the things of it, but more especially from a sense of duty, that I may honestly provide for the outward welfare of myself and family, and have, through the blessing of a kind and benevolent Providence on my frugal industry, a sufficiency when called from my home and from every temporal enjoyment there, for the gospel’s sake, to keep the gospel free from charge, and that I abuse not my power in the gospel. For this care, I often fear is too much wanting by some who go out on that solemn embassy; which, if not guarded against, may not only tend to frustrate the end of their labours, but prove a stone of stumbling to many seeking minds. For how inconsistent it must appear in those who profess to have taken up their cross to self and the world, to follow their self-denying Saviour in the plain path of duty, to be anxious about what they shall eat or drink, or what they shall wear; or manifest a desire after praise or applause from their Friends or others, or have their hands and hearts open to receive the gratuities of the rich. For all these may be considered when sought after, as bribes to the receivers, and it places such under the appellation of hirelings; for although there may not have been any previous contract, yet, receiving benefits in that way, I conceive, will bring the receiver under obligations to the giver, and place the individual in a situation not fit for a free minister of the gospel.
First day. Sat our meeting to-day mostly in silence, and in suffering with the seed, that lies oppressed as a cart under sheaves, in the minds of most of the professors of Christianity; but towards the close a gleam of light broke forth, in the remembrance of that saying of Christ, where he tells us, that the kingdom of God is within, and that it doth not come through outward observation. The subject opened in a lively manner on my mind, which led to communication, and brought a solemn weight over the meeting, and we parted under the favour.
The three following days I kept much within, being under very considerable bodily affliction, although, at intervals, so as to pay some necessary attention to my family affairs, not being willing to let any portion of precious time pass away unimproved, as I cannot suppose that any part of our time is dispensed to us for nought.
Fifth day. This was the time of our monthly meeting, at which the queries were answered, and accounts prepared to go up to the yearly meeting. How deep and solemn our deliberations are on such occasions, not only that our answers may be consistent with truth, without any false colouring or evasion, but that all may be done under the influence of that divine power, which humbles and abases the creature, and which only can qualify for the Lord’s work and service, whether in ministry or discipline. At this time I returned the minute I had from the meeting, to perform my late visit to Friends in New England, with a short account of my journey.
Sixth day. Attended our meeting for Ministers and Elders, at which nothing unusual occurred.
Seventh day. Quietly spent in my temporal concerns.
First day, the 21st. My mind, in our meeting to-day, was brought under a deep feeling exercise, in sympathy with backsliders, and such as, having been often reproved, continue still to revolt. The power of truth went forth to these in a searching arousing manner: may it prove effectual to produce in such more stability and faithfulness to the convictions of divine grace, which, as they become fully obedient thereunto, will work their salvation; otherwise these may share the fate described by one formerly: “He that, being often reproved, hardeneth his neck, shall suddenly be destroyed, and that without remedy.”