He stood on the steps, and if he had been one of the stable boys he would have scratched his head.
Now I must stop and dress. I shall put on a black tea frock I have. Mr. Carruthers shall see I have not caught frumpdom from my hosts!
Night.
I do think men are the most horrid creatures, you can’t believe what they say, or rely upon them for five minutes! Mrs. Carruthers was right, she said, “Evangeline, remember, it is quite difficult enough to trust oneself, without trusting a man.”
Such an afternoon I have had! That annoying feeling of waiting for something all the time, and nothing happening. For Mr. Carruthers did not turn up after all! How I wish I had not dressed and expected him.
He is probably saying to himself he is well out of the business—now I have gone. I don’t suppose he meant a word of his protestations to me. Well, he need not worry! I had no intention of jumping down his throat—only I would have been glad to see him because he is human, and not like any one here.
Of course Lord Robert will be the same, and I shall probably never see either of them again. How can Lord Robert get here, when he does not know Lady Katherine. No, it was just said to say something nice when I was leaving, and he will be as horrid as Mr. Carruthers.
I am thankful at least that I did not tell Lady Katherine, I should have felt such a goose. Oh! I do wonder what I shall do next. I don’t know at all how much things cost—perhaps three hundred a year is very poor. I am sure my best frocks always were five or six hundred francs each, and I daresay hotels run away with money. But, for the moment, I am rich, as Mr. Barton kindly advanced some of my legacy to me, and oh! I am going to see life! and it is absurd to be sad! I shall go to bed, and forget how cross I feel!
They are going to have a shoot here next week—Pheasants. I wonder if they will have a lot of old men. I have not heard all who are coming.
Lady Katherine said to me after dinner this evening that she was sorry as she was afraid it would be most awkward for me their having a party, on account of my deep mourning, and I, if I felt it dreadfully, I need not consider they would find me the least rude if I preferred to have dinner in my room!