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To persons who have the title of highness, we say, To his Highness, and then their quality or rank. To ministers and ambassadors, we say, To his Excellency, the Minister, or Ambassador. If a person has many titles, we select the highest, and omit the others.
In billets, we put the date at the top of the paper, and begin the letter about two inches below. The word Sir is put in the first line. We conclude with one of these phrases, I am, Sir, yours; I am entirely yours, &c. We do not write a billet to ladies, or to superiors, as this was introduced only to avoid ceremony.
The most familiar billets are written in the third person, contrary to the common practice. They contain very little, and begin thus, Mr. or Madam N present their respects, or compliments, to Mr. Such-a-one, and request, &c. After having made the request, we end with, and he will oblige his humble servant.
In this kind of billets, it is best not to use the pronoun he or she, for independently of the incivility, it might result in confusion. Sometimes it would be difficult to know whether the pronoun referred to the person who received the letter, or to the one who wrote it.
I shall conclude this chapter by an observation relative to friendly and familiar letters; not that I [p145] have the folly to pretend to regulate by any ceremonial, the sentiments of the heart; but there is in reality nothing more cold and ridiculous, than accumulations of epithets like these, Your tender, sincere and constant friend, &c.
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CHAPTER VIII.
Additional Rules in respect to the Social Relations.
I include under this name, everything relating to friendly attentions, such as services, loans, presents, advice, and also things in relation to discretion, such as respect in conversation, letters, secrets, confidential communications, &c.
SECTION I.
Of an Obliging Deportment.
Polite persons are necessarily obliging. A smile is always on their lips, an earnestness in their countenance, when we ask a favor of them. They know that to render a service with a bad grace, is in reality not to render it. If they are obliged to refuse a favor, they do this with mildness and delicacy; they express such feeling regret, that they still inspire us with gratitude; in short, their conduct appears so perfectly natural, that it really seems that the opportunity which is offered them of obliging us, is obliging themselves; they refuse all our thanks, without affectation or effort.
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This amiable character, a necessary attendant of perfect good breeding, is not always found with all its charms, in the world. There are besides, some obliging persons, who force us to extort their services, who feel of great consequence, who like to be supplicated and thanked to excess. Do not imitate them: they make us ungrateful in spite of ourselves, they make gratitude a pain and a burden. When one asks of you any favor, reply kindly, “I am at your service, and shall be very happy to render you any assistance in my power;” or else, with a sad manner, lament that there is such an obstacle, &c. Then examine the means of overcoming the obstacle, even if you should be assured beforehand that none exists.