It is altogether contrary to propriety to select for yourself at the shops the articles of mourning, to have them made in your presence, or to make them yourself; and, for a fortnight at least, and sometimes even for the six first weeks, ladies ought not to sew, even while receiving their relations and intimate friends, so much are they supposed to be depressed by their affliction.
During forty days we do not leave the house, except to go to church; it would be very improper to [p212] visit, dine out, or go to any assembly during the first mourning. When this time has expired, we make visits of mourning, and go out a little more, but we cannot yet appear in public promenades, at spectacles or balls; we cannot sing, even at home. It is only at the time of half mourning that we resume by degrees our former habits of life.
For ten days at least, after the death of a very near relation, it would be very reprehensible for people whose profession recalls ideas of pleasure, as musicians, or dancing masters, to return to their employment.
In full mourning, we should wear neither curls nor perfumes. To be present at a funeral, or even to look at one passing, are forbidden at this time. Attending a funeral service, other than that of a relation, is equally prohibited. Excepting during this period, it is impolite not to attend when invited to the funeral service of your acquaintances. You should appear there in mourning. At the funeral service, as well as at the interment, the male relatives go first, and then those invited; the female relatives go next, and are followed by other ladies.
If we marry a person who is in mourning, we put on black the day after our marriage; the time preceding is reckoned as if the mourning had been worn. On the contrary, if we ourselves are married [p213] again at a time when the death of a relation by our former marriage requires this sombre dress, we leave it off immediately, since our new union annuls the former alliance.
Visits which are paid to persons in mourning, are called visits of condolence. In making them, we observe silence, and never inquire about their health; this would be out of place. A gentleman offers them his hand, a lady embraces them, even though they are but slightly acquainted. We refrain from conversing on too gay or personal subjects.
If we are at a distance, we testify by letter our sympathy in the misfortune which afflicts them. Their grief cannot excuse them from answering us, but it is not immediately necessary.
With this subject, we shall conclude our treatise of politeness; hoping that, having arrived at this point, our readers may say, ‘Without any doubt the work is full and methodical;’ we shall not dare to flatter ourselves with more, but this is enough, for it is being sure that our labor has been useful.
We trust then that we have rendered an essential service to youth, in making them acquainted with these rules, which have become so necessary; in truth, politeness, on which at the present day we pride ourselves, is a virtue which we ought never [p214] to renounce, since it gives to the intercourse of life, that sweetness, pleasure, elegance and charm which can be truly felt only by those who possess it. As the intellectual Madam Lambert has said, ‘Politeness is the desire of pleasing those with whom we are obliged to live, and in a manner causing all around us to be satisfied with us; superiors, with our respect; equals, with our esteem; and inferiors, with our kindness.’