“This had not been among the number of the few things I conceal from you,” answered she, “if I had thought the repetition worthy of taking up any part of that time which I always pass with you on subjects more agreeable”; — “besides,” continued she, “it was always my opinion, that those women, who talk of the addresses made to them, are secretly pleased with them in their hearts, and like the love, tho' they may even despise the lover. For my part, I can feel no manner of satisfaction in relating to others, what I had rather be totally ignorant of myself.”
Natura had here a very good opportunity of complimenting her on the excellency of her understanding, which set her above the vanities of the generality of her sex; and indeed he expressed himself with so much warmth on this occasion, that it even shocked her modesty, and she was obliged to desire him to change the conversation, and speak no more of a behaviour, which was not to be imputed to her good sense, but to her disposition.
Never had Natura found it more difficult to obey her than now; — he could have expatiated for ever on the many and peculiar perfections both of her mind and person; but he perceived, that to indulge the darling theme, would be displeasing to her, and therefore forced himself to put a stop to the utterance of those dictates, with which his heart was now charged, even to an overflowing.
Such was the effect of this incident on both: Natura, who till now had thought he loved only the soul of his mistress, found how dear her lovely person was also to him, by the knowledge that another was endeavouring to get possession of it; and Charlotte, by the secret satisfaction she felt on those indications Natura, in spite of his efforts to the contrary, had given of a more than ordinary admiration of her, discovered, for the first time, that he was indeed the only man whose love would not be displeasing to her.
After Natura came home, and had leisure to meditate on this affair, he began with thinking how terrible it would be to him, to see Charlotte in the arms of a husband; and when he reflected, that such a thing might be possible, even though he doubted not the sincerity of her present aversion, the idea was scarce to be borne: — from this he naturally fell on figuring to himself how great a blessing that man would enjoy, who should always have the sweet society of so amiable a companion; — and this made him cry out, “Why then, what hinders me from endeavouring to become that happy man? — If I resolved against any future marriage, it was when I knew not the adorable Charlotte, nor believed there was so excellent a woman in the world.” — In this rapturous imagination did he continue for a moment, but then the improbability of succeeding in any such attempt, struck him with an adequate despair. — “Though the uncommon merit of the woman I adore,” said he, “compels me to change the resolution I had taken, there is not the same reason to prevail on her to recede from her's. — Past the bloom of life, and already twice a husband, can I flatter myself with the fond hope she will not reject the proposals I should make with the same scorn she did those of the councillor?”
Charlotte, on the other hand, was engrossed by reflections vastly different from those she was accustomed to entertain: — never woman was more free from vanity, or thought less of the power of her charms, yet she could not hinder herself from thinking there was somewhat in the behaviour of Natura, in his last visit, that denoted a regard beyond an ordinary friendship for her. — This apprehension, at first, a little startled her, or at least she imagined it did so, and she said to herself, “If he should really harbour any inclinations for me of that sort, how unhappy should I be in being obliged to break off my acquaintance with a person so every way agreeable to me; and to continue it, would be to countenance a passion I have determined never to give the least attention to.” — “Yet wherefore did I determine?” pursued she, with a sigh, “but because I found the generality of men mere wandering, vague, inconstant creatures; — were guided only by fancy; — never consulted their judgment, whether the object they pretended to admire, had any real merit or not, and often too treated those worst who had the best claim to their esteem; — besides, one seldom finds a man whose person and qualifications are every way suited to one's liking: — Natura is certainly such as I should wish a husband to be, if I were inclined to marry again; — I have not taken a vow of celibacy, and have nobody to controul my actions”: — “then,” said she again, “what foolish imaginations comes into my head; perhaps he has not the least thought of me in the way I am dreaming of; — no, no, he has suffered too much by the imprudence of one woman, to put it in the power of another to treat him in the same manner; — be trembles at marriage; — I have heard him declare it, and I am deviating into a vanity I never before was guilty of.”
She was debating in this fashion within herself, when Natura came to pay his morning visit: she blushed at his approach, conscious of the meditations she had been in on his account. — He, full of the sentiments I have described, saluted her with an air more grave and timid than he had been accustomed, and which all who are judges of the tender passion, know to be the surest symptom of it. — They sat down, and on his beginning to renew some discourse concerning the counsellor's pretensions, she desired him to forbear so disagreeable a topic, telling him at the same time, he could say nothing else she would not listen to with satisfaction. — “How, madam,” cried he, “are you sure of that? — Alas, you little know what passes in my heart, or you would not permit me this toleration.” This might have been sufficient to make some women convinced of the truth; but Charlotte either fearful of being deceived by her own vanity, or willing he should be more explicit, answered, “I have too high an opinion of your good sense, and too flattering an idea of your friendship to me, to imagine your heart will ever suggest any thing which would be offensive to me from your tongue.”
“Suppose, madam,” said he, “it should not be in my power to restrain my wishes in those bounds prescribed by you, to all who have the happiness of conversing with you; and that I were encroaching enough not to be content with the marks of friendship you are pleased to honour me”: — “in fine,” continued he, “suppose I were guilty of the very same presumption, you have so severely censured in the councellor!”
“That is impossible,” replied she, “since you are a foe professed to marriage, as well as myself”; — she was about to add something more, but was prevented by emotions, which she attempted, but in vain, to conceal; and Natura saw enough to keep him from despairing he had forfeited her esteem by aiming at her love.
Having thus made a beginning, it was easy for him to prosecute a suit, which he soon discovered he had a friend in her bosom to plead in favour of: — in a word, he left her not, till he had obtained her permission to entertain her on the same theme, and to use his endeavours to prevail on her to exchange the friendship she confessed for him into a warmer passion.