“And yet whenever I do talk about England, I always find him at the back of my chair. And when I pause, he draws me on to say more.”
“Men are such flatterers! Well, I always tell the plain truth. So it is best you should know Colonel Greenfield declares that since your return from Europe you are absolutely intolerable. Excuse my telling you these things. It is only to show that every body else thinks just as I do. Mrs. Gray says it is a pity you ever crossed the Atlantic.”
Do not excuse her—but drop her acquaintance as soon as you can, without coming to a quarrel, in which case you will most probably get the worst. A plain-spoken woman is always to be dreaded. Her cold-blooded affectation of frankness is only a pretext to introduce something that will wound your feelings; and then she will tell you “that Mrs. A. B. C. and D., and Mr. E. and Mr. F. also, have said a hundred times that you are a woman of violent temper, and cannot listen to advice without flying into a passion.”
And she will quietly take her leave, informing you that she is your best friend, and that all she has said was entirely for your own good, and that she shall continue to admonish you whenever she sees occasion.
A plain-spoken woman will tell you that you were thought to look very ill at Mrs. Thomson’s party, your dress being rather in bad taste; that you ought to give up singing in company, your best friends saying that your style is now a little old-fashioned; that you should not attempt talking French to French ladies, as Mr. Leroux and Mr. Dufond say that your French is not quite Parisian, &c. &c. She will say these things upon no authority but her own.
When any one prefaces an enquiry by the vulgarism, “If it is a fair question?” you may be very certain that the question is a most unfair one—that is, a question which it is impertinent to ask, and of no consequence whatever to the asker.
If a person begins by telling you, “Do not be offended at what I am going to say,” prepare yourself for something that she knows will certainly offend you. But as she has given you notice, try to listen, and answer with calmness.
It is a delicate and thankless business to tell a friend of her faults, unless you are certain that, in return, you can bear without anger to hear her point out your own. She will undoubtedly recriminate.
It is not true that an irritable temper cannot be controlled. It can, and is, whenever the worldly interest of the enragée depends on its suppression.
Frederick the Great severely reprimanded a Prussian officer for striking a soldier at a review. “I could not refrain,” said the officer. “I have a high temper, your majesty, and I cannot avoid showing it, when I see a man looking sternly at me.” “Yes, you can,” replied the king. “I am looking sternly at you, and I am giving you ten times as much cause of offence as that poor soldier—yet you do not strike me.”