Taking the Census: A Farce

by Elizabeth F. Guptill

Mrs. J. Dat don’ make a bit o’ diffunce. Yo’ hole dat ar yahn good. Does yo’ heah?

Alex. Caint I hole it bimeby, an’ res’ a while now, Mammy?

Mammy. No, yo’ caint! Yo’ jes’ want to git out an’ play baseball wiv dem no-count white chilluns. I don’ want yo’ should ’sociate wiv sech trash. Sit up, does yo’ heah?

Alex. Yaas, but——

Mrs. J. (Getting a switch from the corner.) Alexandah Xerxes Napoleon Washin’ton Johnsing, does yo’ see dat switch?

Alex. I’m a-holdin’ it, Mammy. I’m a-holdin’ it good.

Mammy. Yo’ jes keep on a-holdin’ it good, an’ don’ yo’ fuss no moah. (A loud rap is heard.) Mah goodness, who dat? (She walks to door, still winding yarn, and opens it.)

Mr. C. Good afternoon, Madam.

Mrs. J. Good aftahnoon, sah. Will yo’ walk in?

Mr. C. Thank you, I will. I have here the census report blanks and I am taking the census.