Taking the Census: A Farce

by Elizabeth F. Guptill

Mr. C. What was your maiden name? (She looks puzzled.) I mean, before you were married.

Mrs. J. Oh, I war Miss Birdie Apple-Blossom. I war de bell ob de ball when I war a gal.

Mr. C. And where were you born?

Mrs. J. In de no’f, sah, in Philadelphy, de yeah Mars Aberaham Lincum made de darkies free. Dat nex’ summah, sah.

Mr. C. What is your occupation?

Mrs. J. Ise a laundry lady, sah——a do-uppah. I does up de ladies’ fine t’ings——laces, and lingry and sech.

Mr. C. How many children?

Mrs. J. ’Leben, sah. Dars Gawge Washin’ton Pompey Caesah, named fo’ his daddy——he’s daid; an’ dars Celia Agnes Rosabelle, she am mah’ied, an’ libes in Virginny. Den dar am Thucydides Plato an’ Aristides Pluto, de twins. Dey wo’k in a bah-bah shop in Newark, an’ Thomas Jefferson Jackson, he am a bell boy in a hotel in Washin’ton, an’ Lily Pearl Beryl, she am a lady’s maid, an’ trabels obah lan’ an’ sea in an ottah mower beely—one ob dem ar debble wagons, yo’ know. Less see, dat am how many?

Mr. C. Six.