MR. VAN TOUSEL. Ah, Mrs. Brown, what a dear little dog. What breed is he, may I ask?
MRS. BROWN. Pig, Mr. Van Tousel, common pig.
MR. VAN TOUSEL. Do you mean to say he is only a pig?
MRS. BROWN. Yes, it is the fashion to be original at present, you know, and to be original in dogs nowadays is so expensive. One has to get an animal from the Summer Palace of the Empress of China or the kennels of some royal prince, so I thought I would be original in making a pet of a pig. I am the first woman in New York to start the idea. The reporters from all the newspapers would be after me for an interview if it were generally known, but I am obliged to keep it a secret because there is an old law against keeping pigs in New York City. They used to be employed as scavengers, then they became so numerous that this law was passed. I can’t take Cochon out in the daytime, except in a motor car, for fear I shall be arrested, although he looks exactly like a little dog with his blanket on, except for his snout.
MR. VAN TOUSEL. Yes, I thought of course he was a dog.
MRS. BROWN. The police are so disagreeable that one has to be very careful. Only the other day when I was late for a Bridge party, and I had offered the chauffeur of the taxicab double fare to get me there in time, a perfectly horrid officer arrested him and insisted upon taking off both the driver and the cab to the station house, although I explained everything to him and that it was most important for me to arrive in time because it was a club party and every table was to play against the room for a prize in money. All he said was, “Madam, you can walk.”
MRS. TILSBURY. That was because women have no vote, no influence. If you had been a man, he would not have dared to make you late for an important engagement.
MR. VAN TOUSEL. Quite true.
MILDRED. I don’t believe the policeman saw whether the chauffeur had a man or a woman passenger when he arrested him, Mrs. Brown, but of course as a rule a vote does give a man the advantage.
MR. VAN TOUSEL. How wonderfully you reason, Miss Mildred!