When these strange and strong measures will be put to me I will certainly have to know of them and then it shall be my business to learn the reason, and mine to employ whatever means I may require for justice or peace of soul and body. Any grievous wrongs coming to me through jealous and ambitious evil-doers will not be borne by me in a pent up heart any more like in the past. Accusations, as also insinuations, which falsify will have to come to light and proof. They can say all the dirty, wicked remarks about me they please. I know but precious little good has ever been said of me by the community representatives out here in the past, and I do not expect better yet. If I am American in my views and ways, it does not make me irreligious or disloyal. My faults and shortcomings are not worse, nor of meaner character than those I am with, and have lived with. With little effort I can produce plenty comparisons.
I will not again suffer humiliating trials cast upon me without cause, and worse, to no purpose, but to incur the displeasure of God and to please deceitful, jealous, scheming spirits.
You ask me what has happened this house? It would take me six months to put it in writing and make a nervous wreck of myself and then be compelled to leave to others what I attempted to better. Time, and sisters who will be trained by home religious, who will understand our people and sisters, can only right things with us out here. Along these lines the trouble lies in this house. We are even bad for knowing where trouble lies, etc., etc., etc. You know as well as I do.
I work hard and know that I work well, and I do my duty the best I know. The crime is, I haven't the "L'esprit de la religieuse," because I am not French and they can't bake me over other than God made me. Amen.
With love in prayer, I am,
Yours very sincerely,
SISTER LUCRETIA,
S. C. S. P.
On March 10th, 1910, I wrote her again, further explaining what was going on, as follows:
Dear Mother Wilfrid:
Another item which stands black against me is that I have been taking care of Archbishop Christie this winter. Three weeks' special nurse and for three months I went nearly every day to his residence to give his arm massage treatment. I did my hospital work all but the entering of a few names along with the extra work. I gave classes in nursing to the sisters two evenings per week.
Now, of course, I should be made to feel very sorry that I have been capable of giving agreeable service to such a distinguished patient. It being out of the question to punish him for being pleased with my care or an expression of a word of gratitude. So, it should behoove me to be put through the expiatory system to atone for my sins of having done well and more than the usual effort. I can't tell where the glory of such Christ-like doings belong. No doubt it is the right spirit—too bad I haven't it. What a grievous sin it must be to please, etc.
Another item, my name was cast a good many times in the ballot box on election evening for the new superior. I suppose I might be called upon to glorify God by expiating for this crime also, in some way or other. Those brilliant gems are being added to other hallows, too. What Paradise! minus innocence. Amen.