I was now permitted to be on mission with my own blood sister, Sister Cassilda. After having been estranged and poisoned in mind against me by the system for over twenty years, she was to be an example for making me a "good religious." And, poor girl, she sure enough was a "good example" of the products of the Roman convent system. She had been on Indian mission nearly all of her sisterhood life. For five years, without ever seeing civilization, she was kept at the Blackfoot Indian Mission, in Alta Territory, B. C. I remember once when she came to Vancouver, Washington, for her retreat, the poor, dear girl looked as primitive as the American natives she had been taking care of. Her sensibilities were dulled from the long practice of mortification and the endurance of terrible hardships. She did not realize it, but she was verily an object of pity. Oh, how sorry I felt, to have my sister there with me, and yet no sister to talk to, owing to the moulding and shaping we had undergone by the Roman Catholic system.
Even though she had never had any previous experience in caring for the sick, she was, at the time I went to Cranbrook, assistant superior of the hospital there. And after all the years I had served in nursing, I was under her direction.
A short time after my arrival at my new mission I received a letter from my dear friend, Sister Rita, as follows:
Dear Lucretia:
Another change. Now they say Mere General (Mother General) intends leaving for your place Thursday the 10th (August 10th). I am not stealing your letter out, as I read it to Mother Nazareth, also to Sister Alexander, then told them that I wanted to see that it got off.
You need your reputation and I would make them prove the lies. You were missioned through reports of companions who were out of their rule for not warning you first. Then, superiors have their rule. You have obeyed. Now you sift the matter, though stay in the community and make them take good care of you. That is only fair and just before God and man. When they make use of religion to cover dirty politics it is time to make them face it. You may show this to Mother General or anybody else.
With love, from
RITA.
Another letter I received from Sister Mary Winifred, about this time, will explain itself:
Providence Academy, Vancouver, Wash.
August 13, 1911.
Dear Sister Lucretia:Last week I spent a few days in Portland and it is needless to say that I missed you very much, as do all your friends there.
From conversations at recreation I understand that your change was made doubly painful by false charges. You have my heartfelt sympathy in this, for I have experienced that painful ordeal, and I say God help those who must go through it. Let me say to you what dear Father Schram said to me, "Be thankful that you are the accused rather than the accuser. I would rather be in your place than theirs." It is only a matter of time; justice will assert itself in spite of all human power. Your sorrow will be turned into joy. Be brave, dear sister, this will all be righted.
There are some hard things in religious life. God knows why! The words of our dear Lord, "For which of my favors would you stone me," must come to the mind of some religious often during life.
Now, dear sister, I must close.
Believe me in union of prayer and suffering.
Yours ever,
SISTER M. WINIFRED.
Mother General Julian visited Cranbrook on August 13, 1911, and I endeavored to have her right matters, but to no avail. So I decided to write my complaints to Archbishop Christie of Portland. These letters also explain the most important points of the visit of Mother General Julian of August 13th.
St. Eugene Hospital,
Cranbrook, B. C., August 17, 1911.Most Reverend A. Christie, D.D.,
Portland, Oregon.
Very Dear Bishop:I am now here three weeks lacking one day; needless to say that I have not been feeling very well, for in the manner I had to take my dismissal from St. Vincent's and move out to mission, I do not think it hardly possible for me to feel extra good, either mentally or physically, unless one was made of cast-iron.
Your Grace, I hate to trouble you; I know you must have enough care on your mind and heavy responsibilities. Nevertheless, I beg you to listen to me a little while. I feel it an awful strain upon my mind and weight upon my heart to have to submit to so much downright cruelty and injustice. Power made use of to take advantage of others. My removal was prompted through ambition and jealousy. I was too successful and well liked, and no means could be found to break my influence except by taking advantage of my sacred vow of obedience to get me out of their way. Now what is this but making use of religion to play dirty politics? This change was brought about over my provincial's head. Our rule says reports are to go to the provincial and she is to make the change or report for such to higher authority. In the visit of our Mother General here, August 13, 1911, I told her I was not satisfied nor at peace in the service of God about the way I had been changed, because I had to feel too keenly that it was as a punishment influenced by reports. She then said that she might have been influenced and talked to the effect that she had all right to make any change, whatever the reasons were. She said that she had reports and that she did not need to tell me where they came from or what they were. I said that if she expected me to correct myself for what was reported against me, I thought I should be told. She insisted that I had been told. I said the only thing I had been told, the one and only charge you already made "counseling a young sister to leave the community," which I positively denied and said that I might ask an investigation. Moreover, you had this against me before you were in office and I did not believe you could use it against me, even were it true.
Is it not convenient to get into power and take advantage of another for all reports and remarks ever heard about you, years before they knew you?
When I spoke of investigation, she said that she did not say that I was not telling the truth in denying the charge she made. I answered that it was easy to say that now, but the mischief was done; that I was thrown out of the occupation I worked so very hard to become efficient and useful in, and that I did not feel that it should be required of me to begin over as if I was twenty or twenty-five, neither did I think it was required of me to mould myself over according to every new superior's individual ways of thinking and liking, nor to run and jump about my work like a young soldier on picket duty.
I don't claim perfection or sanctity, simply doing the best I know how, and at the same time trying to make the most of myself, becoming a decent human being and Sister of Charity. If I did not appear religious enough to please every sister that knows or hears of me, I could not help it. If I did good work and behaved myself in accordance with our rules and constitution, I thought this was a good deal to be taken into account; and that I did not think that one should be so easily trifled with and annoyed to desperation over faults and imperfections that we are all, more or less, subject to, and for me to be treated like this was injurious to my mind and health.
She (Mother General) said this was a nice place for me, and I did not need to work if I did not feel well, and that I could do the same work I had done before if I wanted to do it and resign myself.
This is the kind of redress we have, Your Grace. They can even dispense the subject from any or all activity when it could mean torment to some one in their "black book."
I told her I wanted to find out if the church had nothing to say concerning these matters, and also the way I had been removed from office, without one bit of consideration, either for my years of service in the community, which I thought was church service, or my ability or experience. It made no difference in the least how I felt, or what it had cost me to fit myself for my work. All that seemed required on their part was to show me and give me to understand that I was not needed or wanted any longer.
Dismissal in a heartless manner from the work in which I have suffered all sorts of inconveniences, wretched trials due to narrowness, which I could enumerate to you, but would be too lengthy to write. God alone knows the circumstances under which I had to learn my lessons to fit myself for the work I did and managed. I had to be orderly, diet-cook, dish-washer, scrub-woman, painter, seamstress, account-keeper, collector—also take names and history of the patients, nurse and overseeing other nurses' work—these and other things have been my daily round of duties.
Nice time of the day and years of my life for my superiors to say to my face that they have no fault to find with my work and none of character, and at the same time to do what they have done in the name of good under cover of religion, claiming all right because authority is theirs. Must unfit and unscrupulous ones be left to have their own way entirely? Has justice no weight or meaning in the government of church organizations?
Does it seem fair to take one away from a work that she knows well and gave satisfaction, without giving one a single reason, and put beginners in her place and send the experienced one where beginners ought to start from? If I were even needed here! It really seems as if pleasure had to be taken in seeing how far one could be driven. It is maddening for the victim who has to stand it. I could not have the good will I ought to have, these things embitter one and in conscience I cannot hold myself accountable before God. It is discouraging and checks the better feelings, desires and efforts in doing their best, and in time the result will be callousness, indifference and unfitness for any good whatever. This way of doing is applying the system of authority in the old accustomed way when they want to make a human machine of one—is to deprive them of all chances of interest in life, the final result is bound to be physical and mental break-down or nervous wreck—as I have seen it too many times, unfortunately. Going through this process a number of times hurries our sisters to some cemetery or asylum.
Your Grace, I feel to ask an investigation unless I can be given assurance that I shall be reinstated in my former work and have my name restored.
Our superiors claim that even an Archbishop has nothing to say in these matters in an order governed by a Mother General. That would be news to me. I thought he was our first ecclesiastical head of church affairs in his domain. I know in Canada the Mother General is not over Archbishop Bruchasie. There might be a big difference in the States, probably in the West.
Your Grace, I am sorry and humiliated to have to trouble you in this unpleasant manner about so much awful disagreeableness, but I could not endure it without doing my utmost to get such unfairness righted. I cannot tell you in words how much I appreciate knowing you as I do, and that I feel perfectly at home in addressing myself to you during this time of difficulties. I hope and pray that your health remains good, Your Grace.
Awaiting an answer, with much esteem and very best regards,
Yours sincerely and respectfully,
SISTER LUCRETIA,
S. C. S. P.
Letter No. 2:
St. Eugene Hospital,
Cranbrook, B. C., August 28, 1911.Very dear Archbishop Christie:
Your Grace, the large letter enclosed in this envelope, dated August 17th, I intended to send at the time, and after I had written it, I thought it was better for me to come to Portland and see you, as some matters in it might require further explanation than I could express in writing, because I wanted you to know the true state of things, and for fear that I might induce you to do anything rash in regard to me, I thought it better to bring the letter myself.
When Mother General was here on August 13, 1911, I told her that I might ask an investigation. She said it was alright, that I could do so if I wanted to. I supposed that this included my permission to come and see you when I decided to do so—if I needed permission from the lesser authority to speak to the higher. I had told Mother Nazareth that I wanted to go to Portland to see my higher superior on a matter of conscience.
August 26th, last Saturday, I asked her for her pass or transportation to Portland. She said her pass was in Portland and that she would send for it and that it would be here by Wednesday. Instead of that she communicated with our Mother General, this morning she told me so, and that neither Mother General nor she could give me permission or money to go to Portland. I was frank with Mother Nazareth when she spoke of money; I said I could wait a few days for the pass. I cannot understand why this deception. I do not feel good over it, after telling her that I had Mother General's consent for what I was to do. Our people are afraid to make one move without Canada. I do not suppose from this transaction that Mother Nazareth gave Mother General an agreeable account of me since I am here.