I told this "holy father" that the community had sent him to see me on business, and that I did not need his exhortation. The business was soon over, I refusing all his offers of every nature, and he retired.
On Thursday, April 11th, Sister Rita visited me. We had as pleasant a time as could be expected under the circumstances. She informed me as to the scandalous manner Mother Nazareth and Sister Matilda had found me dressed when they visited me—"with a flowered kimona and a red ribbon around my hair." She said that they had told Archbishop Christie about it. She also told me that the sisters at St. Vincent's were praying and had forty candles burning for my return.
I read her a copy of my letter for redress to Archbishop Christie, which I had mailed August 28, 1911. She was much surprised that he had not answered, and could not hold him free from blame for the awful wrongs, as he had the authority to right them if he cared to. She endeavored to get my garb, saying that I had no further use for it, but I was continually on my guard, knowing that even my dear, good friend and former "chum," Sister Rita, could not go beyond the Roman dictation.
The first Sunday after I had left the convent was Easter Sunday, but I could not go to mass, as I did not have any clothing except "the flowered kimona." By the second Sunday, April 14th, with the assistance of Mrs. Kearney, I had secured sufficient clothes to be attired fairly respectable, and I decided that I would go to church. I did not care to be conspicuous, or to mix with the people very much, as I was not accustomed to the ways of the world as yet, so I decided to go to Hilyard, a suburb of Spokane, to hear "holy mass" and the sermon.
During the entire service, it all seemed darker and more stupid than at any time during my past life. I thought it was due to the newness of my present life, and I left the church in silence.
On Saturday morning, April 20th, Sister Rita came to visit me for the second time since I had left. As she entered the door she said that this time she had taken it upon herself to come and see her dear friend, Sister Lucretia, and that she was going to stay with me till Sunday night.
Think of it, people, how Rome was using this dear, good friend of mine to do its work. I still had enough Roman Catholicism embedded in my heart and mind to watch her, even at night, sleeping with one eye open, so to speak. My suspicions were so strong that I had my few belongings moved to safe-keeping during her stay with me.
She told me that I did not look right in civilian clothes, and that I could never look as nice in any other as the sister's garb. She tried to induce me to clothe myself as a sister again and return with her, saying that she could get the consent of the ecclesiastical authorities and the superiors of the community for us to take a trip to Rome and other parts of Europe.
This was a mighty temptation to me, as I had wished many times to see the Vatican and visit the Pope, but I knew that if I accepted this offer I would have to return to the community, and now, as I was out, I was determined to stay; so I told her that I could not accept the offer, as I did not intend to return to the sisterhood. Many times since, I have looked back to this visit of Sister Rita, and concluded that some guiding hand, some power, greater and mightier than my own, was directing my actions and decisions on the great temptations that were being placed before me.
On Monday, April 22d, Mother Nazareth and Sister Matilda came to see me again. Mother Nazareth told me that I was living in mortal sin every day for not having dispensation from my vows. I told her that it was through no fault of my own, as I was waiting for them to get my dispensation. She then took a long document from her pocket, asking me to sign it for my dispensation. I looked at it and informed her that it was written in Latin and that I did not understand Latin sufficiently to sign my name to a document written in that language. She then handed me another document, and upon examination, I found that it was written in French. I told her that I did not understand French sufficiently to sign my name to it, and asked her to explain it to me. (I knew from former association with her and Sister Matilda that neither of them could read French or Latin.) Without any explanation she handed me the third document. This one was written in English. I asked them to excuse me for a minute and I went to an adjoining room, where, in the presence of Mrs. Kearney, I copied the following, which was under the heading on the document, "Reasons for leaving the Order":