A Monologue for a Boy of Ten or Twelve Years.
Enters with arms full of bundles; begins talking while he puts them down on the table.
Fred. Say! But this Christmas shopping wears on a fellow! How in thunder the girls stand it—shopping the way they do—I can’t see.
If I had all the money in creation it wouldn’t be much better, for a fellow never knows what to get for the other fellow, you see.
There’s Sis, now—big Sis, I mean, of course—the little ones don’t count much. It took me the whole afternoon to think of something for her. She’s got most everything that counts for anything, like skates. All the fixings girls wear she don’t want, of course. She’s got plenty of jewelry—I did think some of a carnelian ring for her—and finally I thought of just the thing. (Tugs at a big candy box in his coat pocket, holds it up.) Candy! Yes, sir; that’s one thing a girl can never have too much of. And I got it all in licorice and gum drops, good, chewy ones—and “jawbreakers”—kinds that will last a while. (Nods emphatically.)
There’s a train of cars for little Sis (indicating packages as he talks). I think after Christmas I’ll build a track and make some semaphores and switches—and a bridge—and a station-house—all for those cars. ’Course I don’t care for cars, but I think it would be real fun to fix ’em all up for little Sis. And I’ll show her how to run ’em, too. “Dolls,” did you say? Oh, pshaw! She don’t want any more dolls. Cars are lots better. And Baby—’course he must have something, so I got him one of those funny faces that squeak. Say, do you know, I laughed till I was tired making that go through its performances. Squints one eye (illustrating), you know, and twists its mouth. Why, you’d laugh yourself to see it. Guess I’ll take it to school and show the boys on the sly. Won’t there be a rumpus, though? Gee!
I couldn’t leave out Cook Nora, so I got her that (showing cookie cutter). Good hint for some cookies, I think, and a joke into the bargain.
And here’s a ball for Bill. (Bounces it.) A number one. He lost mine last week. Now I can borrow his.
This (unwrapping a gay tissue paper parcel and showing a large candy heart) is for Nellie—she’ll like it. She’s pretty nice—for a girl—and she thinks I’m great!
And here’s the best of all. (Shows a knife, opening its many blades.) And who do you guess it’s for? Why, Mother, of course. I always give her a knife every Christmas. I always lose ’em, and so I am bound to get her another, you know. Now that’s the best one I ever got for her—four blades and a corkscrew! My! But that’ll be fun!