"I dare say it is awfully vain and presumptuous on my part," Arthur continued, "to think that my coming or going would make much difference to you: but if I was any comfort to you at all, I should hate to take it away from you just when you have had and are having such a rough time."
I was touched by Arthur's unselfishness: and also remorseful at the realisation of what little difference his or anybody else's coming or going made to me now.
I put my hand on his arm, as we sat smoking by the library fire. "You mustn't get that notion into your head, old man: it would make me ever so much more miserable than I am at present if I felt I had in any way hindered your career. It is always bad policy to throw good money after bad; and I am bad money and you are good, as far as economic currency is concerned. Don't think me ungrateful for all you have done for me, because I am not."
"Rubbish!" growled Arthur. "I've done nothing for you at all."
"Yes, you have: you've been as true a friend to me as man ever had. You've done a lot for me during the beastly time I've gone through."
"Then let me stay on here, and go on doing a lot for you. I ask for nothing better."
Then I felt it was time to be brutal and to speak the unvarnished truth. "You've done all you can for me, old man: I hate to say it, but it's the truth. If you stayed on here, you won't do me any more good, and you'd have spoilt your career for nothing. You did help me at first, I admit, and I shall be always grateful for it. But to be perfectly candid with you—though I hate candour, mind you, and would never employ such a painful weapon unless I felt it to be absolutely necessary—neither you nor anybody else can help me now."
"Except Fay," suggested Arthur, hardly above a whisper, as if he were referring to some one who had been buried for years.
I shook my head. "I doubt if even she could help me now. Even if she came back—which she never will—things could never be the same between us as they used to be. I haven't forgiven her—I cannot forgive her—and I couldn't live with her and be at enmity with her at the same time. Life would be unendurable in such circumstances."
Arthur smoked in silence for some minutes: then he said: "Is that why you have never come to Holy Communion now?"