But I was not abiding in Him just then. I had gone out into the far country, because the one restriction of the Father's House was too hard for me: that restriction which I had persistently set aside: "If ye forgive not men their trespasses neither will your Father forgive your trespasses."
Still there was enough Grace left in me to enable me to struggle, however vainly, against the wave of selfishness which was overwhelming my tortured soul, and I struggled. "You are quite right, Annabel, in saying and thinking that you have as much right to marry as I had; and it would be abominable selfishness on my part to say a word to dissuade you from any course which tended to your happiness."
Here Annabel's sense of justice interrupted me. "Still, Reggie, I did say no end of words to try to dissuade you: there's no shutting your eyes to that fact; and therefore you have a perfect right to say anything you like to dissuade me. But I think I can honestly say that when I tried to prevent you from marrying Fay, I was thinking of your happiness rather than of my own."
"I'd take my oath on that," I said warmly.
"And of course I'd no idea that things would turn out as they have," Annabel continued, "or else I should have tried to dissuade you much more strongly than I did. It would have been my duty to do so. Just as it would be your duty to do anything you could to prevent me from marrying Mr. Blath—Arthur, if you thought there was any probability of his running off to Australia and going on to the stage."
I was again able to take my oath that I apprehended no such dangers. "But do you love him?" I added. "That is the main thing."
"Well, I should hardly like to apply such a term as 'love' to the feelings of a woman of my age, but I must admit that I am sincerely attached to Arthur, and have the greatest respect for his character. And I must also admit that the lot he asks me to share presents the greatest attractions to me. I don't wish to appear conceited, but I do think that I am rather wasted on a small place like this, just as Arthur is. I mean there is more work in me than Restham requires."
"You mean that, like Mrs. Figshaw's daughter, you also want a 'scoop'?"
"A scope, Reggie: that is what I do mean. I love arranging things, and I've arranged and planned and organised here till there's nothing left to plan or arrange or organise. And we shan't be far off—only about an hour's ride in the car; so that you can always come over and consult me about anything, and I can come over here constantly and keep my eye on your servants. I really don't see that with me within an hour's motor-ride they can go very far wrong."
"Nor do I. Moreover, Ponty's eye is almost as all-seeing as yours."