About this time, the middle of July, her Royal Highness being really by no means well, wrote a letter to her father, to request that she might be allowed to go to the sea-side which was recommended by Sir Henry Halford, and which all the medical people said she ought to visit every year till she was five-and-twenty, as she had been accustomed to do till she went to Windsor in 1812. She sent for Mr. Adam, Miss Mercer’s uncle, and the Prince’s chancellor,[[146]] on this business. The request was not granted; the Prince was much displeased, and said that she was quite well. He also sent Sir Henry to me, to complain of our having been seen driving twice one day on the Chiswick road, when the Duke of Devonshire was giving a great breakfast there. I said the fault was mine, as I had proposed to drive that way that Princess Charlotte might see the carriages; that her life had so little variety in it, and her health and spirits were at that time so indifferent, that I was anxious to do anything that could cheer her. The Prince scarcely called once in two months, and she saw none of her family except at the Carlton House parties.
Another heavy complaint was our going to the painter’s. I agreed that it would have been better if he could have painted at Warwick House, but the light would not have suited him for a large picture, and I desired Sir Henry to assure the Prince how scrupulously careful Mr. Sanders was as to quiet and privacy, insomuch that he would not let in his friend and patroness Lady Charlotte Campbell, and I added that the picture was for the Prince, as Lady Liverpool well knew, for she had discovered that such a picture was painting, had been to see it, and we had told her its destination. In the midst of all this sudden fit of ill humour we were ordered to Windsor, and arrived there on the 31st, to the great displeasure of Princess Charlotte.
The next day, 1st August, her Royal Highness and the Duchess of Leeds dined at the Castle, and the Duchess came home to me crying at night, having been severely reprimanded by the Queen and Prince Regent for her own conduct and mine. The stories of the Duke of Devonshire, with exaggerated circumstances, were called up, and, as far as I could understand from the Duchess’s mutilated account, I was more blamed than herself. As I found there was no possibility of my justifying myself with the Prince, and still less with the Queen, I was so shocked that I really became quite ill, and I wrote the following letter to Lady Liverpool, in which I defended both Princess Charlotte and myself:
Lower Lodge, Windsor, August 3, 1813.
My dear Lady Liverpool,—I am convinced no apology is necessary for the trouble I am about to give you, when I consider the length of time in which I have had the honour of being known to you, the respect I entertain for the memory of your respected mother, whose good opinion of me when I was young, and you were a child, was always particularly flattering to me, and, more than all, the good sense and delicacy of principle for which you are distinguished.
I confess I have been extremely hurt since my arrival at Windsor, on finding that my conduct with respect to Princess Charlotte has been blamed by her Majesty and the Prince Regent. I have had no opportunity of justifying myself with the latter, as he left this place without seeing me; and with the former I can have no explanation, as her Majesty does not speak to me, and has declared she will have no further communication with me since I left her service for that of her grand-daughter. It is needless to recapitulate why I did so, how much I was urged to it, or what promises of support were made me. I must, however, confess that I made no conditions, except that I could not be a spy on Princess Charlotte; and I will only say that I have had no other support than the great good sense, the excellent disposition, and affectionate heart of this young Princess, who, providentially, being a very superior creature to what girls of seventeen generally are, has not taken advantage of the circumstances in which I was placed, but has acted in such a manner as to convince me I was perfectly right when I said that reliance might safely be placed on her honour and nobleness of temper, and that the only control under which she could properly act was that of confidence and affection.
As to myself, the various and often very difficult trials I have had to encounter through life, have, I trust, made known to my friends that I have always at least wished to act with propriety, and it is certainly not now that I should begin to adopt an opposite plan of conduct. What false reports, or exaggerated statements may, from idleness or envy, have been carried to the Prince Regent, or to the Queen, I know not, and therefore do not condemn them for what they said; but this I can solemnly declare, that since I have had the honour of belonging to Princess Charlotte, I have seen no impropriety of conduct which could have justified a complaint on my part, and that had I seen any, such was my confidence in her candour and condescending kindness to me, and such was my strong sense of duty, that I should undoubtedly have made proper, though respectful, representations to her Royal Highness on the subject; but, deprived as she is of those domestic comforts and amusements which girls of her age in a less elevated station enjoy, and which even the Princesses her aunts have always enjoyed with their Royal parents, I must have had a heart of a very strange composition if, amidst all her privations (and some of them it is to be remembered of the most trying nature), I could have contradicted her for trifles innocent in themselves, and by so doing have lost that confidence which could alone give me a shadow of authority over her actions and proceedings.
I have for the last six months given up all visits to my friends, all avocations connected with my duty at Warwick House, and, in short, everything that could deprive me of the power of saying that I had done my duty, and that I could answer for the conduct of Princess Charlotte at every hour and moment of the day and night.
You will not think this an intrusion on your time, my dear Lady Liverpool. The subject is in itself of sufficient importance; and the temperate conduct of Lord Liverpool, as well as the moral propriety and domestic happiness which secure to you both the esteem of the public, are so many reasons for making me desirous of standing well in your opinions, that I cannot deny myself the satisfaction of explaining what I feared might be misinterpreted to his lordship and to you.
Believe me, &c.