Princess Charlotte finds means of writing to me when she can; and her letters are always kind and confidential, but we are obliged to keep this correspondence secret.
Lord St. Vincent, though kindly anxious to keep me here, is of opinion that when I go to town I ought to go to the drawing-room, and mix in society as much as possible, that I may not have the appearance of shunning public observation. The very kind attentions of all my friends, and of many who were before only common acquaintance, facilitate this plan; and I have also received the most friendly invitations from my friends in France, and very gracious messages from the Duchess d’Angoulême.
[In consequence of this suggestion, the following letter was addressed to Queen Charlotte:]
MISS KNIGHT TO THE QUEEN.
4th March, 1815.
Madam,—Since I had the misfortune of losing your Majesty’s favour, it has been my earnest wish not to increase the displeasure I incurred. I therefore take the liberty of once more addressing your Majesty, as I am greatly embarrassed on a point which no other human being can settle agreeably to my feelings.
I understand your Majesty intends holding a drawing-room next Thursday,[[10]] and respect as well as inclination prompt me to appear at it; but I know not whether this would be construed as an act of respect or of presumption. Rather than incur the suspicion of the latter, I am willing to relinquish an intention, which, in the opinion of all my friends, I ought to fulfil; rather than offend your Majesty, I would abstain from it at the risk of satisfying the malevolent, who might attribute my absence to a consciousness of not having done my duty at Warwick House, although, in answer to my urgent solicitation on the subject, the Prince Regent, when he dismissed me, never brought forward any accusation; and although my own conscience acquits me of all design or even thought incompatible with my dutiful respect for his Royal Highness. This my friends feel, and it is one of the reasons why they wish me to appear; but the attachment I must ever feel for your Majesty will not allow me to intrude myself into your Majesty’s presence without knowing that I am right in so doing.
I do not presume to expect an answer; but, should your Majesty, unfortunately for me, disapprove my joining the crowd to pay my respects, I humbly entreat Madame Beckersdorff may be allowed to inform me.
E. C. K.
[The following extracts from Miss Knight’s journals continue the record of the eventful year 1815:]