With respect to myself, all I can say is this. I cannot help regretting having left the Queen. My intentions were not bad, but in many respects I consulted my feelings more than my reason. My mind was then too active, perhaps now it is too indolent; but either I ought to have remained with the Queen, or I ought to have carried things with a higher hand to be really useful while I was with Princess Charlotte. I had no support from the good Duchess; nor, indeed, from any one. She had neither energy of character nor powerful connexions. I had the romantic desire that Princess Charlotte should think for herself, and think wisely. Was that to be expected from a girl of seventeen, and from one who had never had proper care taken of her since early childhood? She might have been great indeed. She had a heart and a mind capable of rendering her so. She had the most charitable disposition possible.
I forgot to mention in my journal for 1814, that when I perceived the marriage treaty must be broken off, if some assurance were not given of an establishment in England, I begged to see Lord Liverpool myself, that I might tell him my apprehensions, and beg that something might be done to prevent the mischief. He only came and asked for Princess Charlotte, but when I heard he was in the library, I asked her permission to go down and speak to him first, which she granted. I went and told him what I thought my duty to say, but he made no decisive answer, and seemed impatient to go up-stairs. When Princess Charlotte entered on the subject, all she could get from him was, that some arrangement might be made like that between two persons, who were named, by no means of distinguished families, and at last said he would try to obtain from the Regent permission that she might retain Warwick House for some time after her marriage.
When Princess Charlotte told all this to the Prince of Orange, he was still more indignant than herself, both on account of the comparison with Mr. —— and Miss ——, and also of Warwick House, saying, “Did Lord Liverpool think he would live in such an ugly old place?”
Another thing which made Princess Charlotte very unhappy was, that not a word was said to her about what was to be her household, or how it was to be composed. But I remember hearing one of my own acquaintance say, “Would she not have had a very agreeable existence at Brussels, where she and her husband were to have kept their Court?”
Princess Charlotte had not the slightest idea of that, but supposed she was expected to live with the King and Queen of the Netherlands.
It is possible that when Princess Charlotte was a child, her temper might have been violent and head-strong, and the world held that opinion when she was grown up.[[63]] I never saw anything of this violence or obstinacy. Much agitation, nervous uneasiness, and sometimes nervous impatience,—all this I observed, and sometimes to such a degree as to injure her health. As a proof of this, it may be remarked that she was so much afraid of her father, that when she had seen him, or expected him, she stuttered exceedingly,[[64]] which she never did at times when there was nothing particular to agitate her. This nervous feeling was perhaps one of the principal causes why, so far from being obstinate, she was often persuaded to things she did not like, and would think firmness so essential to the happiness of every one, and more especially of a royal person.
Of this want of firmness the artful and designing took advantage, and unfortunately those about her had been so often changed, and she had so few natural friends, that it was difficult to obtain her perfect confidence; or, I should rather say, to preserve it.
Her humanity and kindness to all who were in distress or affliction surpass belief, and I never knew a person less selfish. The only value she set on a present was as it proved more or less the kind intentions of the person who made it. I never saw in her any personal vanity, and there was nothing unforgiving in her disposition.
Her notions were aristocratical, though her mind had received from her father an early bias in favour of the Whig party, of which he was long considered as the support, and of course that party did not neglect any opportunity of making her their friend, and persuading her that the good of the country would depend on her continuing to encourage them. However, she was equally attentive to all who paid her proper respect, whether of the Ministry or Opposition.[[65]]