In this advanced stage of the drill, the Colonel determined to hold a dress parade. With much running to and fro and much discord under the theory of drumming and fifing, from the drum corps on flank, much exhortation on the part of the line officers, much right-dressing and left-dressing, the regiment was gotten approximately into line. The Colonel was in his place in front, with his war visage on, and filled with energy and disgust, when suddenly and prematurely the drum corps broke loose and began to ramble down the line uttering discords galore. It was very far from "sonorous metal blowing martial sounds." Then came the first order of the Colonel which, as faithful history must record, was the beginning of the military history of the regiment as a battalion. The order was: "Captain Bangs, stop that damned drumming." The order was directed to Captain Bangs from local considerations, he being the Captain nearest to the point where the confusion had broken out. It is needless to say that neither Captain Bangs nor the drum corps heard the order. They would not have heard it had it been uttered through a megaphone, and megaphones had not then been invented. The Colonel, the noise continuing, and the drum corps continuing, grew more and more wrathy, and finally charged upon that musical body sword in hand. It was an unfair advantage, justifiable only on the ground of military necessity. The Colonel was armed and the drum corps had only drums and fifes, formidable for offence but not for defence. Instantly they were routed and fled, and disappearing around the nearest flank, took refuge in the rear. It was the first victory in the regiment. It could not be said that this charge reduced things to order; it only tended to suppress disorder.
What became of the drum corps on that day I do not now remember. I have the impression that they retired to the guard-house for recuperation. Certainly they appeared no more upon the scene that day, and the dress parade proceeded as a school of instruction, which the Colonel administered partly to the regiment as a whole, and partly to individuals, with distressing particularity. Of the instruction given in general terms it is sufficient to say that it was of the most elementary character, and was such wholesome counsel as an experienced and trained officer would give to a green regiment; only the terms were unusually emphatic, and the amount too great for one occasion. Of the individual exhortations a sample should be preserved to posterity as illustrating the conditions of these times. If any be inclined to judge harshly, from the character of these exhortations, as to the patience and forbearance and longsuffering spirit inculcated at West Point, he may consider the trying nature of the job suddenly placed upon the graduate of that venerable institution (only one year out of the school, and of a temper naturally not mild), called upon to direct and drill, in one lump, a thousand greenhorns, and charged with the duty of making soldiers out of them. Unfortunately, in the center of the line, in front and in plain view, was a newly uniformed and commissioned Lieutenant, whose nomme de guerre was Simps. On this occasion he was standing much like a tall, full meal bag, bulging under its own pressure. The eagle eye of the Colonel soon detected him and the wrath accumulated, and unsoothed by the strains of the drum corps, broke out afresh. Referring in terms of emphatic condemnation to Simps as an individual, and assigning his spiritual being to a warmer climate, he ordered him to "draw up his bowels." The embarrassed Simps, thus singled out and complimented, already feeling himself in too conspicuous a position, and quite too new to the business, and also alarmed at the suddenness and warmth of the personal address in front of so large and critical a company, made some convulsive movement as if struck by lightning; but either because he had no control over his abdominal muscles, or because he was paralyzed by fear, he did not "draw up" perceptibly. However, Simps was not the only awkward figure in the line, though perhaps the most conspicuous; and the exhortations of the Colonel proceeded, and soon no fellow felt sure that some particular exhortation, uncomplimentary and perhaps not fully understood, would fall upon him. The attention of the Colonel, however, recurred to Simps, no less bulging, but rather worse than before: "Mr. Simps, for God's sake draw up your bowels." The miserable Simps could not; his bowels were not built that way, and further exhortations followed in the same vein, and with increasing emphasis. He was advised to employ the worst drilled man in the regiment to teach him, and finally was driven into the rear of the regiment, where he disappeared to fame, and from whence he soon after retired to private life. His military career was short but conspicuous. He had one notice from his commanding officer in front of his regiment. He was probably, too, the only man in military history, certainly the only one whom I have found in a somewhat extensive reading, who was disabled as to the military service and lost to the defence of his country because he could not "draw up his bowels." Other heroes, notably in the recent Spanish war, have failed to confer luster on the American arms and to secure immortal fame for themselves simply from lack of opportunity. It was reserved to Simps alone to miss the shining mark by reason of stomachic distortion.
This particular lesson, however, was not lost upon the regiment, and the enforcement of it was subsequently made easier when in the field, by reason of material change in the rations. For some days, however, instruction mixed with similar emphatic exhortations continued, and the regiment continued to learn military drill and a new vocabulary at the same time.
The regiment had been in camp about a week when, on the 29th day of August, it was mustered into the service of the United States, and soon thereafter was ordered to the front, greatly to the relief of all, and especially of those slowest to learn.
After these trials by fire, so to speak, the Government in its wisdom proceeded to give a further seasoning by water, and this regiment with another (2,000 men in all) were shipped, packed like so many sardines, in one vessel, from Boston to Alexandria. This process was perhaps a process of artificial aging as of liquor, and served well to assist in the process of drawing up the bowels to the regimental standard.
While the men, packed in the hold of the ship, on this voyage, were taking care of themselves as best they could, the company officers, under the tutoring of the Colonel, were cramming themselves with Casey's Tactics.
In due time they passed Alexandria, and, as a cheerful introduction to the service, saw on the decks of the river steamboats the crowds of wounded from the field of the Second Bull Run and heard of the disastrous result of that battle. Landed at the Arsenal the regiment passed the first night in an adjacent open lot, on a downy bed of dead cats, bricks and broken bottles; the next day they were supplied with arms and equipments, and on the hot September evening of that day marched without a halt, seven miles, and joined the brigade to which the regiment had been assigned.
It is a striking illustration of the pressure of the emergency, and of the wasteful unpreparedness of the Government, that within three weeks from the day this regiment was mustered into service, and before it had ever had what could properly be called a battalion drill, it was in the battle of Antietam. But subsequently officers and men were instructed and drilled in the field, in time snatched from battle, marching, picketing, and camp duties. They learned the duties of a soldier by performing them, and in performing them; at first laboriously, with difficulty and awkwardly. But they learned them well. Of the original officers, two served with great distinction and rose to the rank of Major-General. And the men so raw and undrilled at first, under the severe but wise discipline and thorough instruction, became soldiers as good as any that ever carried muskets. At Gettysburg, ten months after muster in, they stood till 40 per cent. of their number had been killed or wounded, and then charged. That line, so awkward, raw, and unprepared at first, in all the subsequent campaigns, from Antietam to Appomattox Court House, in fights as stiff, and under fire as searching and deadly as any, was never broken. Never!