ON THE CHANGE OF THE STATE OF LIFE WHICH TAKES PLACE WITH MEN AND WOMEN BY MARRIAGE, n. [184-206].
The state of a man's life, from infancy even to the end of his life, and afterwards to eternity, is continually changing, n. 185. In like manner a man's internal form, which is that of his spirit, is continually changing n. 186. These changes differ in the case of men and of women; since men from creation are forms of knowledge, intelligence, and wisdom, and women are forms of the love of those principles as existing with men, n. 187. With men there is an elevation of the mind into superior light, and with women an elevation of the mind into superior heat; and the woman is made sensible of the delights of her heat in the man's light, n. 188, 189. With both men and women, the states of life before marriage are different from what they are afterwards, n. 190. With married partners the states of life after marriage are changed, and succeed each other according to the conjunctions of their minds by conjugial love, n. 191. Marriage also induces other forms in the souls and minds of married partners, n. 192. The woman is actually formed into a wife, according to the description in the book of creation, n. 193. This formation is effected on the part of the wife by secret means: and this is meant by the woman's being created while the man slept, n. 194. This formation on the part of the wife, is effected by the conjunction of her own will with the internal will of the man, n. 195. The end herein is, that the will of both may become one, and that thus both may become one man, n. 196. This formation (on the part of the wife) is effected by an appropriation of the affections of the husband, n. 197. This formation (on the part of the wife) is effected by a reception of the propagations of the soul of the husband, with the delight arising from her desire to be the love of her husband's wisdom, n. 198. Thus a maiden is formed into a wife, and a youth into a husband, n. 199. In the marriage of one man with one wife, between whom there exists love truly conjugial, the wife becomes more and more a wife, and the husband more and more a husband, n. 200. Thus also their forms are successively perfected and ennobled from within, n. 201. Children born of parents who are principled in love truly conjugial, derive from them the conjugial principle of good and truth, whence they have an inclination and faculty, if sons, to perceive the things relating to wisdom; and if daughters, to love those things which wisdom teaches, n. 202-205. The reason of this is, because the soul of the offspring is from the father, and its clothing from the mother, n. 206.
UNIVERSALS RESPECTING MARRIAGES, n. [209-230].
The sense proper to conjugial love is the sense of touch, n. 210. With those who are in love truly conjugial, the faculty of growing wise increases; but with those who are not, it decreases, n. 211, 212. With those who are in love truly conjugial, the happiness of dwelling together increases; but with those who are not, it decreases, n. 213. With those who are in love truly conjugial, conjunction of minds increases, and therewith friendship; but with those who are not, they both decrease, n. 214. Those who are in love truly conjugial, continually desire to be one man; but those who are not in conjugial love, desire to be two, n. 215. Those who are in love truly conjugial, in marriage have respect to what is eternal; but with those who are not, the case is reversed, n. 216. Conjugial love resides with chaste wives; but still their love depends on the husbands, n. 216*. Wives love the bonds of marriage, if the men do, n. 217. The intelligence of women is in itself modest, elegant, pacific, yielding, soft, tender; but the intelligence of men is in itself grave, harsh, hard, daring, fond of licentiousness, n. 218. Wives are in no excitation as men are; but they have a state of preparation for reception, n. 219. Men have abundant store according to the love of propagating the truths of wisdom, and to the love of doing uses, n. 220. Determination is in the good pleasure of the husband, n. 221. The conjugial sphere flows from the Lord through heaven into everything in the universe, even to its ultimates, n. 222. This sphere is received by the female sex, and through that is transferred to the male sex, n. 223. Where there is love truly conjugial, this sphere is received by the wife, and only through her by the husband, n. 224. Where there is love not conjugial, this sphere is received indeed by the wife, but not by the husband through her, n. 225. Love truly conjugial may exist with one of the married partners, and not at the same time with the other, n. 226. There are various similitudes and dissimilitudes, both internal and external, with married partners, n. 227. Various similitudes can be conjoined, but not with dissimilitudes, n. 228. The Lord provides similitudes for those who desire love truly conjugial, and if not on earth he yet provides them in heaven, n. 229. A man, according to the deficiency and loss of conjugial love, approaches to the nature of a beast, n. 230.
ON THE CAUSES OF COLDNESS, SEPARATION, AND DIVORCE IN MARRIAGES, n. [234-260].
There are spiritual heat and spiritual cold; and spiritual heat is love, and spiritual cold is the privation thereof, n. 235. Spiritual cold in marriages is a disunion of souls and a disjunction of minds, whence come indifference, discord, contempt, disdain, and aversion; from which, in several cases, at length comes separation as to bed, chamber, and house, n. 236. There are several successive causes of cold, some internal, some external, and some accidental, n. 237. Internal causes of cold are from religion, n. 238, 239. Of internal causes of cold the first is the rejection of religion by each of the parties, n. 240. Of internal causes of cold the second is that one of the parties has religion and not the other, n. 241. Of internal causes of cold the third is, that one of the parties is of one religion and the other of another, n. 242. Of internal causes of cold the fourth is, the falsity of the religion, n. 243. With many, the above-mentioned are causes of internal cold, but not at the same time of external, n. 244, 245. There are also several external causes of cold, the first of which is dissimilitude of minds and manner, n. 246. Of external causes of cold the second is, that conjugial love is believed to be the same as adulterous love, only that the latter is not allowed by law, but the former is, n. 247. Of external causes of cold the third is, a striving for preeminence between married partners, n. 248. Of external causes of cold the fourth is, a want of determination to any employment or business, whence comes wandering passion, n. 249. Of external causes of cold the fifth is, inequality of external rank and condition, n. 250. There are also causes of separation, n. 251. The first cause of legitimate separation is a vitiated state of mind, n. 252. The second cause of legitimate separation is a vitiated state of body, n. 253. The third cause of legitimate separation is impotence before marriage, n. 254. Adultery is the cause of divorce, n. 255. There are also several accidental causes of cold; the first of which is, that enjoyment is common (or cheap), because continually allowed, n. 256. Of accidental causes of cold the second is, that living with a married partner, from a covenant and contract, seems forced and not free, n. 257. Of accidental causes of cold the third is, affirmation on the part of the wife, and her talking incessantly about love, n. 258. Of accidental causes of cold the fourth is, the man's continually thinking that his wife is willing, and on the other hand, the wife's thinking that the man is not willing, n. 259. As cold is in the mind, it is also in the body; and according to the increase of that cold, the externals also of the body are closed, n. 260.
ON THE CAUSES OF APPARENT LOVE, FRIENDSHIP, AND FAVOR IN MARRIAGES, n. [271-292].
In the natural world almost all are capable of being joined together as to external, but not as to internal affections, if these disagree and are apparent, n. 272. In the spiritual world all are conjoined according to internal, but not according to external affections, unless these act in unity with the internal, n. 273. It is the external affections, according to which matrimony is generally contracted in the world, n. 274. But in case they are not influenced by internal affections which conjoin minds, the bonds of matrimony are loosed in the house, n. 275. Nevertheless those bonds must continue in the world till the decease of one of the parties, n. 276. In cases of matrimony, in which the internal affections do not conjoin, there are external affections, which assume a semblance of the internal, and tend to consociate, n. 277. Thence come apparent love, friendship, and favor between married partners, n. 278. These appearances are assumed conjugial semblances, and they are commendable, because useful and necessary, n. 279. These assumed conjugial semblances, in the case of a spiritual man conjoined to a natural, are founded in justice and judgement, n. 280. For various reasons, these assumed conjugial semblances with natural men are founded in prudence, n. 281. They are for the sake of amendment and accommodation, n. 282. They are for the sake of preserving order in domestic affairs, and for the sake of mutual aid, n. 283. They are for the sake of unanimity in the care of infants and the education of children, n. 284. They are for the sake of peace in the house, n. 285. They are for the sake of reputation out of the house, n. 286. They are for the sake of various favors expected from the married partner, or from his or her relations, and thus from the fear of losing such favors, n. 287. They are for the sake of having blemishes excused, and thereby of avoiding disgrace, n. 288. They are for the sake of reconciliations, n. 289. In case favor does not cease with the wife, when faculty ceases with the man, there may exist a friendship resembling conjugial friendship when the parties grow old, n. 290. There are various species of apparent love and friendship between married partners, one of whom is brought under the yoke, and therefore is subject to the other, n. 291. In the world there are infernal marriages between persons who interiorly are the most inveterate enemies, and exteriorly are as the closest friends, n. 292.
ON BETROTHINGS AND NUPTIALS, n. [295-314].
The right of choice belongs to the man, and not to the woman, n. 296. The man ought to court and intreat the woman respecting marriage with him, and not the woman the man, n. 297. The woman ought to consult her parents, or those who are in the place of parents, and then deliberate with herself before she consents, n. 298, 299. After a declaration of consent, pledges are to be given, n. 300. Consent is to be secured and established by solemn betrothing, n. 301. By betrothing, each party is prepared for conjugial love, n. 302. By betrothing, the mind of the one is united to the mind of the other, so as to effect a marriage of the spirit previous to a marriage of the body, n. 303. This is the case with those who think chastely of marriages; but it is otherwise with those who think unchastely of them, n. 304. Within the time of betrothing it is not allowable to be connected corporeally, n. 305. When the time of betrothing is completed, the nuptials ought to take place, n. 306. Previous to the celebration of the nuptials, the conjugial covenant is to be ratified in the presence of witnesses, n. 307. Marriage is to be consecrated by a priest, n. 308. The nuptials are to be celebrated with festivity, n. 309. After the nuptials, the marriage of the spirit is made also the marriage of the body, and thereby a full marriage, n. 310. Such is the order of conjugial love with its modes, from its first heat to its first torch, n. 311. Conjugial love precipitated without order and the modes thereof, burns up the marrows, and is consumed, n. 312. The states of the minds of each of the parties proceeding in successive order, flow into the state of marriage; nevertheless in one manner with the spiritual and in another with the natural, n. 313. There are successive and simultaneous order, and the latter is from the former and according to it, n. 314.