167. IX. WIVES CONCEAL THIS PERCEPTION WITH THEMSELVES AND HIDE IT FROM THEIR HUSBANDS, FOR REASONS OF NECESSITY, IN ORDER THAT CONJUGIAL LOVE, FRIENDSHIP, AND CONFIDENCE, AND THEREBY THE BLESSEDNESS OF DWELLING TOGETHER AND THE HAPPINESS OF LIFE MAY BE SECURED. The concealing and hiding of the perception of the affections of the husband by the wives, are said to be of necessity; because if they should reveal them, they would cause a complete alienation of their husbands, both in mind and body. The reason of this is, because there resides deep in the minds of many men a conjugial coldness, originating in several causes, which will be enumerated in the chapter [ON THE CAUSES OF COLDNESSES, SEPARATION, AND DIVORCES BETWEEN MARRIED PARTNERS]. This Coldness, in case the wives should discover the affections and inclinations of their husbands, would burst forth from its hiding places, and communicate its cold, first to the interiors of the mind, afterwards to the breast, and thence to the ultimates of love which are appropriated to generation; and these being affected with cold, conjugial love would be banished to such a degree, that there would not remain any hope of friendship, of confidence, of the blessedness of dwelling together, and thence of the happiness of life; when nevertheless wives are continually feeding on this hope. To make this open declaration, that they know their husbands' affections and inclinations of love, carries with it a declaration and publication of their own love: and it is well known, that so far as wives make such a declaration, so far the men grow cold and desire a separation. From these considerations the truth of this proposition is manifest, that the reasons why wives conceal their perception with themselves, and hide it from their husbands, are reasons of necessity.
168. X. THIS PERCEPTION IS THE WISDOM OF THE WIFE, AND IS NOT COMMUNICABLE TO THE MAN; NEITHER IS THE RATIONAL WISDOM OF THE MAN COMMUNICABLE TO THE WIFE. This follows from the distinction subsisting between the male principle and the female. The male principle consists in perceiving from the understanding, and the female in perceiving from love: and the understanding perceives also those things which are above the body and are out of the world; for the rational and spiritual sight reaches to such objects; whereas love reaches no further than to what it feels; when it reaches further, it is in consequence of conjunction with the understanding of the man established from creation: for the understanding has relation to light, and love to heat; and those things which have relation to light, are seen, and those which have relation to heat, are felt. From these considerations it is evident, that from the universal distinction subsisting between the male principle and the female, the wisdom of the wife is not communicable to the man, neither is the wisdom of the man communicable to the wife: nor, further, is the moral wisdom of the man communicable to women, so far as it partakes of his rational wisdom.
169. XI. THE WIFE FROM A PRINCIPLE OF LOVE IN CONTINUALLY THINKING ABOUT THE MAN'S INCLINATION TO HER, WITH THE PURPOSE OF JOINING HIM TO HERSELF: IT IS OTHERWISE WITH THE MAN. This agrees with what was explained above; namely, that the inclination to unite the man to herself is constant and perpetual with the wife, but inconstant and alternate with the man; see n. [160]: hence it follows, that the wife's thoughts are continually employed about her husband's inclination to her, with the purpose of joining him to herself. Her thoughts concerning her husband are interrupted indeed by domestic concerns; but still they remain in the affection of her love; and this affection does not separate itself from the thoughts with women, as it does with men: these things, however, I relate from hearsay; see the two [MEMORABLE RELATIONS] from the seven wives sitting in the rose-garden, which are annexed to some of the following chapters.
170. XII. THE WIFE CONJOINS HERSELF TO THE MAN BY APPLICATIONS TO THE DESIRES OF HIS WILL. This being generally known and admitted, it is needless to explain it.
171. XIII. THE WIFE IS CONJOINED TO HER HUSBAND BY THE SPHERE OF HER LIFE FLOWING FROM THE LOVE OF HIM. There flows, yea there overflows, from every man (homo) a spiritual sphere, derived from the affections of his love, which encompasses him, and infuses itself into the natural sphere derived from the body, so that the two spheres are conjoined. That a natural sphere is continually flowing, not only from men, but also from beasts, yea from trees, fruits, flowers, and also from metals, is generally known. The case is the same in the spiritual world; but the spheres flowing from subjects in that world are spiritual, and those which emanate from spirits and angels are altogether spiritual; because there appertain thereto affections of love, and thence interior perceptions and thoughts. This is the origin of all sympathy and antipathy, and likewise of all conjunction and disjunction, and, according thereto, of presence and absence in the spiritual world: for what is of a similar nature or concordant causes conjunction and presence, and what is of a dissimilar nature and discordant causes disjunction and absence; therefore those spheres cause distances in that world. What effects those spiritual spheres produce in the natural world, is also known to some. The inclinations of married partners towards each other are from no other origin. They are united by unanimous and concordant spheres, and disunited by adverse and discordant spheres; for concordant spheres are delightful and grateful, whereas discordant spheres are undelightful and ungrateful. I have been informed by the angels, who are in a clear perception of those spheres, that every part of a man, both interior and exterior, renews itself; which is effected by solutions and reparations; and that hence arises the sphere which continually issues forth. I have also been informed that this sphere encompasses a man on the back and on the breast, lightly on the back, but more densely on the breast, and that the sphere issuing from the breast conjoins itself with the respiration; and that this is the reason why two married partners, who are of different minds and discordant affections, lie in bed back to back, and, on the other hand, why those who agree in minds and affections, mutually turn towards each other. I have been further informed by the angels, that these spheres, because they flow from every part of a man (homo), and are abundantly continued around him, conjoin and disjoin two married partners not only externally, but also internally; and that hence come all the differences and varieties of conjugial love. Lastly, I have been informed, that the sphere of love, flowing from a wife who is tenderly loved, is perceived in heaven as sweetly fragrant, by far more pleasant than it is perceived in the world by a newly married man during the first days after marriage. From these considerations is manifested the truth of the assertion, that a wife is conjoined to a man by the sphere of her life flowing from the love of him.
172. XIV. THE WIFE IS CONJOINED TO THE HUSBAND BY THE APPROPRIATION OF THE POWERS OF HIS VIRTUE; WHICH HOWEVER IS EFFECTED ACCORDING TO THEIR MUTUAL SPIRITUAL LOVE. That this is the case, I have also gathered from the mouth of angels. They have declared that the prolific principles imparted from the husbands are received universally by the wives and add themselves to their life; and that thus the wives lead a life unanimous, and successively more unanimous with their husbands; and that hence is effectively produced a union of souls and a conjunction of minds. They declared the reason of this was, because in the prolific principle of the husband is his soul, and also his mind as to its interiors, which are conjoined to the soul. They added, that this was provided from creation, in order that the wisdom of the man, which constitutes his soul, may be appropriated to the wife, and that thus they may become, according to the Lord's words, one flesh: and further, that this was provided, lest the husband (homovir) from some caprice should leave the wife after conception. But they added further, that applications and appropriations of the life of the husband with the wife are effected according to conjugial love, because love which is spiritual union, conjoins; and that this also is provided for several reasons.