225. XVI. WHERE THERE IS LOVE NOT CONJUGIAL, THIS SPHERE IS RECEIVED INDEED BY THE WIFE, BUT NOT BY THE HUSBAND THROUGH HER. This conjugial sphere flowing into the universe is in its origin divine; in its progress in heaven with the angels it is celestial and spiritual; with men it is natural, with beasts and birds animal, with worms merely corporeal, with vegetables it is void of life; and moreover in all its subjects it is varied according to their forms. Now as this sphere is received immediately by the female sex, and mediately by the male, and as it is received according to forms, it follows, that this sphere, which in its origin is holy, may in the subjects be turned into what is not holy, yea may be even inverted into what is opposite. The sphere opposite to it is called meretricious with such women, and adulterous with such men; and as such men and women are in hell, this sphere is from thence: but of this sphere there is also much variety, and hence there are several species of it; and such a species is attracted and appropriated by a man (vir) as is agreeable to him, and as is conformable and correspondent with his peculiar temper and disposition. From these considerations it may appear, that the man who does not love his wife, receives that sphere from some other source than from his wife; nevertheless it is a fact, that it is also inspired by the wife, but without the husband's knowing it, and while he grows warm.
226. XVII. LOVE TRULY CONJUGIAL MAY EXIST WITH ONE OF THE MARRIED PARTNERS, AND NOT AT THE SAME TIME WITH THE OTHER. For one may from the heart devote himself to chaste marriage, while the other knows not what chaste marriage is; one may love the things which are of the church, but the other those which are of the world alone: as to their minds, one may be in heaven, the other in hell; hence there may be conjugial love with the one, and not with the other. The minds of such, since they are turned in a contrary direction, are inwardly in collision with each other; and if not outwardly, still, he that is not in conjugial love, regards his lawful consort as a tiresome old woman; and so in other cases.
227. XVIII. THERE ARE VARIOUS SIMILITUDES AND DISSIMILITUDES, BOTH INTERNAL AND EXTERNAL, WITH MARRIED PARTNERS. It is well known, that between married partners there are similitudes and dissimilitudes, and that the external appear, but not the internal, except after some time of living together, to the married partners themselves, and by indications to others; but it would be useless to mention each so that they might be known, since several pages might be filled with an account and description of their varieties. Similitudes may in part be deduced and concluded from the dissimilitudes on account of which conjugial love is changed into cold; of which we shall speak in the following chapter. Similitudes and dissimilitudes in general originate from connate inclinations, varied by education, connections, and persuasions that have been imbibed.
228. XIX. VARIOUS SIMILITUDES CAN BE CONJOINED, BUT NOT WITH DISSIMILITUDES. The varieties of similitudes are very numerous, and differ more or less from each other; but still those which differ may in time be conjoined by various things, especially by accommodations to desires, by mutual offices and civilities, by abstaining from what is unchaste, by the common love of infants and the care of children, but particularly by conformity in things relating to the church; for things relating to the church effect a conjunction of similitudes differing interiorly, other things only exteriorly. But with dissimilitudes no conjunction can be effected, because they are antipathetical.
229. XX. THE LORD PROVIDES SIMILITUDES FOR THOSE WHO DESIRE LOVE TRULY CONJUGIAL, AND IF NOT ON EARTH, HE YET PROVIDES THEM IN HEAVEN. The reason of this is, because all marriages of love truly conjugial are provided by the Lord. That they are from him, may be seen above, n. [130], [131]; but in what manner they are provided in heaven, I have heard thus described by the angels: The divine providence of the Lord extends to everything, even to the minutest particulars, concerning marriages and in marriages, because all the delights of heaven spring from the delights of conjugial love, as sweet waters from the fountain-head; and on this account it is provided that conjugial pairs be born; and that they be continually educated to their several marriages under the Lord's auspices, neither the boy nor the girl knowing anything of the matter; and after a stated time, when they both become marriageable, they meet in some place as by chance, and see each other, and in this case they instantly know, as by a kind of instinct, that they are a pair, and by a kind of inward dictate think within themselves, the youth, that she is mine, and the maiden, that he is mine; and when this thought has existed some time in the mind of each, they accost each other from a deliberate purpose, and betroth themselves. It is said, as by chance, by instinct, and by dictate; and the meaning is, by divine providence; since, while the divine providence is unknown, it has such an appearance; for the Lord opens internal similitudes, so that they may see themselves.