ON THE CAUSES OF COLDNESS, SEPARATION, AND DIVORCE IN MARRIAGES.
234. In treating here on the causes of coldness in marriages, we shall treat also at the same time on the causes of separation, and likewise of divorce, because they are connected; for separations come from no other source than from coldnesses, which are successively inborn after marriage, or from causes discovered after marriage, from which also coldness springs; but divorces come from adulteries; for these are altogether opposite to marriages; and opposites induce coldness, if not in both parties, at least in one. This is the reason why the causes of coldness, separations, and divorces, are brought together into one chapter. But the coherence of the causes will be more clearly discerned from viewing them in the following series:—I. There are spiritual heat and spiritual cold; and spiritual heat is love, and spiritual cold the privation thereof. II. Spiritual cold in marriages is a disunion of souls and a disjunction of minds, whence come indifference, discord, contempt, disdain, and aversion; from which, in several cases, at length comes separation as to bed, chamber, and house. III. There are several successive causes of cold, some internal, some external, and some accidental. IV. Internal causes of cold are from religion. V. The first of these causes is the rejection of religion by each of the parties. VI. The second is, that one has religion and not the other. VII. The third is, that one is of one religion and the other of another. VIII. The fourth is the falsity of the religion imbibed. IX. With many, these are causes of internal cold, but not at the same time of external. X. There are also several external causes of cold; the first of which is dissimilitude of minds and manners. XI. The second is, that conjugial love is believed to be the same as adulterous love, only that the latter is not allowed by law, but the former is. XII. The third is, a striving for pre-eminence between married partners. XIII. The fourth is, a want of determination to any employment or business, whence comes wandering passion. XIV. The fifth is, inequality of external rank and condition. XV. There are also causes of separation. XVI. The first of them is a vitiated state of mind. XVII. The second is a vitiated state of body. XVIII. The third is impotence before marriage. XIX. Adultery is the cause of divorce. XX. There are also several accidental causes of cold; the first of which is, that enjoyment is common (or cheap), because continually allowed. XXI. The second is that living with a married partner, from a covenant and compact, seems to be forced and not free. XXII. The third is, affirmation on the part of the wife, and her talking incessantly about love. XXIII. The fourth is, the man's continually thinking that his wife is willing; and on the other hand, the wife's thinking that the man is not willing. XXIV. As cold is in the mind it is also in the body; and according to the increase of that cold, the externals also of the body are closed. We proceed to an explanation of each article.
235. I. THERE ARE SPIRITUAL HEAT AND SPIRITUAL COLD; AND SPIRITUAL HEAT IS LOVE, AND SPIRITUAL COLD IS THE PRIVATION THEREOF. Spiritual heat is from no other source than the sun of the spiritual world; for there is in that world a sun proceeding from the Lord, who is in the midst of it; and as it is from the Lord, it is in its essence pure love. This sun appears fiery before the angels, just as the sun of our world appears before men. The reason of its appearing fiery is, because love is spiritual fire. From that sun proceed both heat and light; but as that sun is pure love, the heat thence derived in its essence is love, and the light thence derived in its essence is wisdom; hence it is manifest what is the source of spiritual heat, and that spiritual heat is love. But we will also briefly explain the source of spiritual cold. It is from the sun of the natural world, and its heat and light. The sun of the natural world was created that its heat and light might receive in them spiritual heat and light, and by means of the atmospheres might convey spiritual heat and light even to ultimates in the earth, in order to produce effects of ends, which are of the Lord in his sun, and also to clothe spiritual principles with suitable garments, that is, with materials, to operate ultimate ends in nature. These effects are produced when spiritual heat is joined to natural heat; but the contrary comes to pass when natural heat is separated from spiritual heat, as is the case with those who love natural things, and reject spiritual: with such, spiritual heat becomes cold. The reason why these two loves, which from creation are in agreement, become thus opposite, is, because in such case the dominant heat becomes the servant, and vice versa; and to prevent this effect, spiritual heat, which from its lineage is lord, then recedes; and in those subjects, spiritual heat grows cold, because it becomes opposite. From these considerations it is manifest that spiritual cold is the privation of spiritual heat. In what is here said, by heat is meant love; because that heat living in subjects is felt as love. I have heard in the spiritual world, that spirits merely natural grow intensely cold while they apply themselves to the side of some angel who is in a state of love; and that the case is similar in regard to the infernal spirits, while heat flows into them out of heaven; and that nevertheless among themselves, when the heat of heaven is removed from them, they are inflamed with great heat.
236. II. Spiritual cold in marriages is a disunion of souls and a disjunction of minds, whence come indifference, discord, contempt, disdain, and aversion; from which, in several cases, at length comes separation as to bed, chamber, and house. That these effects take place with married partners, while their primitive love is on the decline, and becomes cold, is too well known to need any comment. The reason is, because conjugial cold above all others resides in human minds; for the essential conjugial principle is inscribed on the soul, to the end that a soul may be propagated from a soul, and the soul of the father into the offspring. Hence it is that this cold originates there, and successively goes downward into the principles thence derived, and infects them; and thus changes the joys and delights of the primitive love into what is sad and undelightful.
237. III. THERE ARE SEVERAL SUCCESSIVE CAUSES OF COLD, SOME INTERNAL, SOME EXTERNAL, AND SOME ACCIDENTAL. That there are several causes of cold in marriages, is known in the world; also that they arise from many external causes; but it is not known that the origins of the causes lie concealed in the inmost principles, and that from these they descend into the principles thence derived, until they appear in externals; in order therefore that it may be known that external causes are not causes in themselves, but derived from causes in themselves, which, as was said, are in inmost principles, we will first distribute the causes generally into internal and external, and afterwards will particularly examine them.