The speech of Diogenes was received with hearty applause, and even stern Demosthenes congratulated him on his idea of offering a really new shake-up to the tired nerves of the poor human tremolos of Mayfair and the East End.
Several of the gods volunteered to send messages for the Elysian Times, and Cæsar proposed that he and Alexander the Great, Pericles, and other heroes send messages counterdicting the extant Greek and Roman histories of their exploits, in order to enjoy the huge fun arising from the confusion amongst scholars.
When the hilarity of the Assembly had reached its maximum, Zeus addressed them as follows:
"Before, O Friends, we part from here repairing to Olympus, and eventually to Japan and China, I propose that Plato give us his serious impression of what turn the next religious phase of the little ones will take. I entitle him even to say, with due moderation, what turn it shall take."
Plato, rising from his seat near Socrates and Aristotle, first bowed to Zeus, and then to Apollo whom he requested to allow his priests to intone the sacred hymn of Delphi. That hymn, Plato said, had been handed down from hoary antiquity, and was the song best fitted to fill the hearts of men with the sentiment of religion; the Roman Church, he added, still retained it. Apollo nodded consent, and forthwith the archons of Delphi, aided by the great choir of the Parthenon, filled the still night with mighty harmonies. The simple tunes rose into the heights like columns upon which the singers finally laid down capitals, architraves and pediments of serene melodies, until all Rome and the surrounding plains and valleys seemed changed into one vast musical temple, while the echo of the Albanian Mountains handed the rhythms and cadences on to stern Soracte and the Apennines.
"I will not undertake," Plato said, "to determine what direction the new Religion of the little ones will take. That direction depends upon their whole life in peace and war, which is, and will remain, under your exclusive control, O Zeus. But if I am to outline what shape and function their Religion is likely to take in the near future, I feel more confident of acquitting myself creditably. This applies more particularly to the negative part of my task. I mean, it is quite possible to criticise the various schemes of new Religions proposed by a number of thinkers, and to say why these schemes will not succeed.
"The most numerous schemes of this description have been propounded by men of otherwise great abilities and accomplishments, such as Auguste Comte, and his followers in England and elsewhere. They have tried to establish rational Religions, or such in which Dionysus has no share. This is a vain attempt.
"Diogenes showed with great justice how all such attempts are doomed to failure.