"Truth is stranger than fiction"; which is undoubtedly true. We can imagine that only of which we have at least some knowledge, but there are realms of truth beyond us of which we have no knowledge. Besides, these revelations are of so extraordinary a nature that I cannot altogether close my eyes to the fact that I may have been led on to them by agencies beyond my personal power of volition. I will cite but one reason why such an idea might be justly entertained by me.
That which originally led me on to these investigations, as already mentioned, was the simple desire to speak the English language just as native-born persons speak it. Although I eventually became aware of the fact that this was next to impossible, yet I persisted in this endeavor to such an extent that I spent far more time on it than it would have deserved had I been convinced that I would be finally successful. Again and again I said to myself, "This is a foolish, absurd, unworthy undertaking for a person of intelligence"; the next minute I was at it again, trying to utter this sound or pronounce that word in the "correct English fashion."
I want to ask, What was it that impelled me to thus persist, almost against my wish, will, and better insight? When, after many years of this almost wanton endeavor, I discovered the dual nature of the voice, I could not help but think that an influence beyond myself had been exercised to impel me to persist in these efforts, which were then crowned with a success of a different order, and far beyond any previous expectation. I then found what I had been after unknown to myself. To simply say I was "infatuated" would not explain this strange adherence to what for a long while looked like a vain and hopeless undertaking.
I am aware that for me to say, as I have just now said, "I cannot altogether close my eyes to the fact that I may have been led on by agencies beyond my personal power of volition," may expose me to ridicule in the eyes of some persons; besides being a contradiction to my other convictions. Yet I say so deliberately and am quite willing to abide by the consequences. It is a case of the duality of our nature, which impels me to take a naturalistic or biogenetic view of things in one direction, yet forces me to take a spiritualistic or abiogenetic view of them in another direction. I do not comprehend those who under all circumstances are capable of pursuing either the one direction or the other.
I might say I have been on a prospecting tour to a new country, where I found the outcroppings of numerous veins of precious ore. These veins are true fissure veins, penetrating, as they do, into the very bowels of the earth; and it will take centuries to exhaust them in all their dips, spurs, and angles.
It will be a matter of surprise that a layman, one not of the tribe which make science the pursuit of their lives, should have penetrated into these mysteries. It must not be lost sight of, however, that science, as a rule, deals with things visible and tangible, while the voice is a sensation which, regarding its origin in the ego, cannot be observed outside of the ego. One may by close observation trace the origin of one's voice to its innermost channels, and thus learn much about the subtlest characteristics of its nature, a proceeding to which it would not be possible to subject any one else's voice. The same conditions prevail in regard to other sensations which have also come under my, at least, partial observation.
Science, as a rule, has been satisfied with the observation of results, of phenomena, without attempting to penetrate into causes, which seemed to be unalterably hidden from its gaze. Special features, however, of the voice have been ably and successfully observed and described by many eminent persons. To these I have not given any attention, partly because they were beyond my sphere, and partly (not being a musician) because they were beyond my power of observation.