“You always get the nub of it, Judith. How can you see the inside of things so quick? I can work a thing out, when once I get a good grip on an idea. I guess I’m like mamma there, too. Only—Lary says you have to be careful what ideas you give her—because she’s like as not to apply them upside down. I suppose there’s only one thing for me to do. I’ll have to take myself apart and see what my inner works are like. You shan’t have any such vixen as I was, to take care of. I clawed Dr. Schubert in the eye before I was an hour old. It wasn’t an accident, either. I was just naturally vicious. It was because mamma had put in a whole winter hating me and papa and the fool Creator who put all the burden of bearing children on the wife. At least I haven’t any such feeling as that. I don’t even blame—” Her cheeks crimsoned again. “I don’t blame any one but myself.”
There were other serious talks, touching the deep hidden things of life; but as the autumn passed these became more and more impersonal. Once a week Eileen went to visit the Ramsays at Rye, usually on Saturday when she could spend the night, and Laura’s mother saw to it that the violin was never left at home. In the suburban town, young Mrs. Winthrop was an immediate social success.
XXVII David’s Children
I
November was half gone when Judith wrote to David, the letter she had yearned to write, weeks ago:
“We are on the eve of victory, the great spiritual victory that I know means more than anything else to you. Eileen puts in four hours a day practicing. This evening she is giving a recital at the church Mrs. Ramsay’s mother attends. She is a great favourite in Rye, where the story of her tragic widowhood first stimulated interest. I know, father, how distasteful this kind of subterfuge is to you; but Lary agrees with me that it is necessary. As yet no one suspects. But we must plan a long way ahead.
“I have it all arranged, even to the wording of the announcement cards I hope to send out, some time next July. But I shall not dare to show myself in Springdale for another year. There are too many experienced mothers, who would know whether a baby was three weeks or three months old. I could not conceal the telltale marks. I don’t know what a baby ought to look like!
“Don’t say anything about this to Lary’s mother. She would only worry, and she might do something, inadvertently, to spoil all our planning. Lary would like to have us accompany him when he makes his next business trip to Springdale. It is perfectly safe, as far as Eileen is concerned, I assure you. I do so want you to hear her play. It is not merely technique. I can fairly hear her soul grow. She is having her growing pains, but they are good for her. She never speaks of the ordeal that is before her, and for a week I thought she had forgotten it. When she brought me an exquisite little garment she had made, every stitch by hand, I knew I was mistaken.
“Professor Auersbach sees a great career for her. The strain in her nature that will militate against high artistic success, such as he hopes for, is her salvation now. She rebounds from disagreeable things with the resiliency of a rubber ball. Lary doesn’t want her to be famous. He only wants her to grow into a good woman. It would make you happy to see the little intimacy that is growing up between them. She doesn’t at all see in him the demigod he is to me; but I had the advantage of seeing him first through Theodora’s eyes. Tell her how I miss her, and give her a big hug from her Sister Judith.”
II
David put the letter away in the safe, with his few priceless possessions. He wanted to see his children—the two whose likeness to him had been a cause for half humorous apology or bitter reproach. He walked home from the office, lost in a flood of incoherent longing. If only Lavinia had never been kind! There was to be a concert in the college chapel on Thanksgiving evening. Perhaps Eileen could play in public. His soul revolted at such philandering with the truth; but he had taught himself to make peace with the powers that were stronger than his will or his ability. He quickened his step. He would offer the suggestion to Vine.