"I think," said Guy quietly, "that it is either in a great sorrow or a serious illness that a man really sees himself as he is, if it please God to give him leave. I have thought, until to-day, in a vague way, that I loved God. I begin to wonder this morning whether I ever did at all."
His words struck cold on me. Guy no true Christian!—my brave, generous, noble, unselfish Guy! Then what was I likely to be?
"Guy," I said,—"will she?" I could bear the torture no longer. And I knew he would need no more.
"I think so, Elaine," was his quiet answer. "I hope so."
"'Hope so'!"
"It is her only chance for the kingdom. The nobles are quite right, dear. I am a foreigner; I am an adventurer; I am not a scion of any royal house. It would very much consolidate her position to get rid of me."
"And canst thou speak so calmly? I want to curse them all round, if I cannot consume them!"
"I am past that, Elaine," said Guy in a low voice, not quite so firmly as before. "Once, I did—— May the good Lord pardon me! His thunders are not for mortal hands. And I am thankful that it is so."
"I suppose nobody is wicked, except me," I said bitterly. "Every body else seems to be so terribly resigned, and so shockingly good, and so every thing else that he ought to be: and—I will go, if thou hast no objection, Guy. I shall be saying something naughty, if I don't."
Guy put his arm round me, and kissed my forehead.