What a Young Wife Ought to Know

by Emma F. Angell Drake

“And the Lord said, it is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.” And have you ever thought that in all these years we have made the mistake of writing these words together as one? We lose half of the designed meaning when we do this. “Meet means to have bestowed upon or sent to one: to have befall one, to have happen appropriately or deservedly. How full of meaning with this definition do the two words become. As if the Creator left the calling into life of woman, until he saw the great need, and then bestowed her as a blessing upon man: that goodness was only accomplished when he made woman to be a helper to man.”

We are very sure that there was nothing in the creative thought, of degradation, in this giving of woman to man. Nothing of degradation in the thought of her sphere and work. It is a work distinct from that of man, and yet supplemental to it; in many ways unlike his and yet not inferior to it. It is a large half of the work of the great busy world—a work that is beautiful, noble, helpful, uplifting; and when done in the spirit of love and willingness that should always characterize it, it beautifies and ennobles the worker.

Dear young wives, begin your married lives with the thought that it is no mean place that you are called to fill, and make it your highest pleasure to fit yourselves for it worthily.

Some of you have come from homes of wealth, where you have been accustomed to have every wish gratified, often before it was expressed; and it may be that the one you have chosen will not be as able to gratify your wishes. Be very sure that in the light of his love and companionship you will not miss the abundance to which you have hitherto been accustomed, and take great care that you keep fast hold of this thought, and work it out into reality daily, through your oneness with him, and your sweet, strong, self-assertive love. Together you can work up to the greater affluence in worldly things and grow the richer in character as you attain.

Others of you have come from homes where the necessities of life must be planned for carefully, and where luxuries were few. Perhaps the man who has chosen you for his mate, may rejoice that the hard work and careful planning to make the ends meet, which has been your lot hitherto, will no longer be necessary, for he will lift you to a home and position of plenty, and his heart delights in so doing. Take care, dear young wife, your lot will be beset with more difficulties than those spoken of above. The invitations to ease and prodigality, to which you have not been accustomed, but which seem so delightful now, will prove a snare to your higher womanhood and nobler self-contained independence of character, if you do not put your better self on guard; and all your strong lessons that were learned in your earlier life of patient endeavor will be forgotten in the new life of ease and pleasure.

Others of you will begin from the same level the united climb towards success, and your care will be, that you do not let into your hearts the dangerous guests, envy and greed. Either will spoil your home if entertained, and prevent your gathering the sweets of life by the way.

In the days which precede marriage, everything relating to it has been idealized, and the awaking to the knowledge that ideality and reality are two very different things, will come to you with a severe shock, unless you bring to the issue all the good common sense and womanliness you possess. The rose-color which everything assumed in courtship, is now toned down to a more sober hue, and it is yours to see that it becomes not too sombre; but rather mingle with it enough of the vermilion and the rose to brighten the entire day of married life, and glorify its sunset. After all, you have only reached the haven towards which your bark has been tending since your earliest recollection. Every day of your girlhood life has had in it some hope, some confident thought, some sweet vision, of the days when you would be a woman, and some one, the only one in all the world for you, would come a-wooing and prove to you surely that your life was planned as the complement of his; that the home he intends to set up shall be perfect only when you consent to be its queen; that his life, in short, is only waiting for its fulfilment—which really means fillfullment when you shall come in to fill it full.

Should your love compel consent to this, and should you have courage, and unselfishness, and power, and real character, and self-abnegation, and hopefulness, and help-fullness, and uplifting patience, and hidden leadership sufficient, you will make of the two-in-one life a beautiful strength that shall bless the world.

Now you have come to the realization of these dreams, and never for a moment must your courage falter, never for a moment your ideals be lowered.