"... On revisiting this spot, where I passed my youthful days, and contrasting the peaceful condition I then enjoyed with the state of terror and agitation to which my mind is now a prey, often have I addressed myself in these words: 'I have sought death in numberless engagements; I can no longer dread its approach; I should now hail it as a boon ... nevertheless, I could still wish to see Josephine once more!'"
No. 5.
To the Empress Josephine, at Malmaison.
Fontainebleau, 16th April 1814.
My dear Josephine,—I wrote to you on the 8th instant (it was on a Friday). You have perhaps not received my letter; fighting was still going on; it is possible that it may have been stopped on its way. The communications must now be re-established. My determination is taken; I have no doubt of this note coming to your hands.
I do not repeat what I have already told you. I then complained of my situation; I now rejoice at it. My mind and attention are relieved from an enormous weight; my downfall is great, but it is at least said to be productive of good.
In my retreat I intend to substitute the pen for the sword. The history of my reign will gratify the cravings of curiosity. Hitherto, I have only been seen in profile; I will now show myself in full to the world. What facts have I not to disclose! how many men are incorrectly estimated! I have heaped favours upon a countless number of wretches; what have they latterly done for me?
They have all betrayed me, one and all, save and except the excellent Eugène, so worthy of you and of me. May he ever enjoy happiness under a sovereign fully competent to appreciate the feelings of nature and of honour!
Adieu, my dear Josephine; follow my example and be resigned. Never dismiss from your recollection one who has never forgotten, and never will forget you! Farewell, Josephine.
Napoleon.