PART TWO
AMERICAN ARMY BALLADS
ON THE WATER-WAGON
Pay-day’s done and I’ve had my little fun—
I’ve had my monthly row—
And they put me in “the mill” and they told me, “Peace be still,”
And—I am on the Water-wagon now.
Oh I’m on the Water-wagon and the time is surely draggin’
And I’m thirsty as I can be;
And I’m nursing of an eye that I got for being fly,
And I’m bunking back o’ bars exclusively.
Now wouldn’t it upset you—now wouldn’t it afret you
If they jugged you ’cause you got a little tight,
And a zig-zag course you laid when doing Dress Parade,
And you really thought Guide Right was Column Right.
Oh I’m on the Water-wagon but the trial is surely laggin’
And I’m dryer than the Arizona dust,
And my throat is full o’ hay and I’m choppin’ wood all day
‘Cause the Sergeant of the Guard, he says I must.
The Jug is rank and slummy and I’m sitting like a dummy
Looking over at the barracks where I hear the mess-tins clang:
And the fool I am comes o’er me, as I chant the same old story,
The Ballad of the Guard-house—until I go and hang:—
“Oh I’m on the Water-wagon, you’ll never see me saggin’,
I am glued and tied and fastened to the seat ...”
And I hear the fellers snicker where the two lone candles flicker,
And I shut-up like a soldier—with the Ballad incomplete.