"And then he also has so much will, so much energy, that it is to be worthy of him to imitate his energy and will, even though they should be employed in resisting him.
"Oh he does not know what power it implies to have resisted a man like him.
"I find a singular charm in thus accounting to myself for thoughts, of which he will for ever remain in ignorance,—in being in these mute confidences as tender, as impassioned towards him, as I am cold and reserved in his presence: I am content with my last trial on this point—with what a chilling air I received him!
"But then what courage it required! But for the presence of Iris I should have been still more cold, but as she was there I felt protected against myself.
"This young girl troubles me, she is so singularly careful and attentive to me,—yet, I know not why, I feel a vague presentiment that her conduct is hypocritical. She is gloomy, distracted, preoccupied. What have I done to her? Sometimes, it is true, at moments of melancholy or irritation, I am cross to her. I must think of this and watch her.
"What have I learned? No, no, it is impossible,—hell would not have that.
"His wife, Bertha de Brévannes, unfaithful to him!
"What if the proofs which are brought to me were true?
"Oh, he is shamefully betrayed! Wicked creature! with her soft and gentle air; she does not feel, then, what it is to be so happy, so honoured, as to bear his name? He—he deceived—like the lowest of men—he jested at, mocked at, perhaps,—I cannot express what I feel at this idea, which never would have occurred to me.
"Oh! I am mad—mad; it is not love, it is idolatry!"