"They are the more terrible because I shall always be obliged to live with my guardian and his family, and if I become convinced beyond a doubt that they have flattered and deceived me merely for their own aggrandisement, I shall feel for them only the bitterest contempt and aversion.
"Because I am immensely rich, must I be married only for my money?
"Am I doomed to the misery of such a marriage, the indifference, contempt, hatred, perhaps, that are sure to follow when a man is mean enough to wed a woman merely for mercenary motives?
"Oh, mother, the thought is so horrible that it haunts me continually. I can not drive it away, strive as I may.
"So I have resolved to escape from it at the cost of a dangerous, perhaps fatal experiment.
"I have been induced to make this resolve because it seemed to be the only means of satisfying my cruel doubts, not only in regard to others, but myself as well. I must know once for all what I really am, and what I really appear to be, independent of my fortune.
"Satisfied on this point, I shall easily be able to distinguish the true from the false. But how am I to ascertain what I am? How am I to discover my precise value, so to speak? Whom can I ask? Who will be frank enough to separate the young girl from the heiress in his valuation?
"Besides, would such a verdict, however severe or kindly it might be, satisfy and reassure me entirely?
"No, I must have the verdict of several disinterested parties.
"But where can I find any such persons? After a great deal of thought, I have decided upon this plan.