After much argument and after waiting for over two weeks, Dr. Botkin was able to persuade Yurovsky to have a window opened in one of the rooms for ventilation. They unlatched two other windows, then accused us of unlatching them. We sisters moved our mattresses for the night closer to that window for a breath of air. Father’s and Mother’s beds were also moved closer to our room, where there was only one window open, and where near by was the guard booth. We felt sorry for Dr. Botkin, Sidniev, Trup and Nagorny. They had no privacy. They shared the same room with doors removed and at one end was the staircase which was used by the guards to go downstairs. The room had two opposite doors, one leading through a hall into one side and the other into the apartment on the other side; Nagorny and Sidniev had been taken away in the beginning of June before the heat became unbearable. Poor Kharitonov and little Leonid had slept in the hot kitchen.
Our days were irregular although we arose regularly at eight in the morning. Before breakfast we held a service and sang a prayer in our room. Father, Mother, Dr. Botkin and all the rest joined us for a half hour of prayer and meditation. These were the most pleasant moments of the day, because our friends were with us at this hour.
Mother worried more about Alexei, since he had grown steadily worse with the small amount of nourishment he had. Now all the supply of tissue-building ingredients was gone from his diet. The Commandant would not heed Dr. Botkin’s plea for the food necessary to his well-being—gelatine, vegetables and fruit. The saintly “Papula” (Dr. Botkin) begged Yurovsky to be generous to the sick boy, but to no avail. Father also wrote to Yurovsky, but this too was ignored by him. All this tension reacted on Mother’s heart. She had grown much weaker and her lips, when blue, warned us of a heart attack.
Father looked desperate, because he could do nothing to spare his children. We knew he himself could stand anything for Russia, anything but the persecution of his family. Only occasionally did his hopelessness come to the surface, though he tried to disguise it from us. With us sisters low spirits rotated from one to another. Each lived for the other. Father knew everything that went on in our hearts and often told us what we were thinking.
XXIV
THE NIGHTS ARE LONG
It was a sad moment when we heard that Nagorny and Sidniev had been taken away. Without any notice they were ordered to get ready in a few moments time. Dr. Botkin told us that both men wanted to see us before they left. Nagorny said, “I am employed by my Emperor and I am going to see him.” But he was rudely pushed toward the stairway. Poor Leonid lost his only relative, his uncle Sidniev, who had devoted his life to this little orphaned boy. Now Leonid, the scullery boy, took the responsibility of taking care of our dogs. It was a great treat not only to Alexei but to the family to see someone who had been with us in Tobolsk. Leonid’s smiling face brought some diversion to Alexei, but Leonid too was a prisoner in the house, like the rest of us. The two boys played navy games with toy boats and so were able momentarily to forget the existing conditions surrounding us. Since Leonid was an orphan, Alexei’s ambition was to give him the best possible education and care for him as long as he would be in need.
Now that Nagorny was gone, Father himself carried Alexei down into the courtyard for his daily airing of thirty minutes. Father’s tenderness choked us afresh each time. All the time it was evident to us that Father was buckling under the weight of his own injured back. We had little heart to go out at all into a cheerful courtyard full of heartless men. The thirty minutes airing was hardly worth the strain on Father, but the fresh air was medicine to Alexei, until God would answer our prayers.
We did not take the wheel chair down into the garden. Mother wanted Alexei to walk a little each day. We took turns holding him under the arms; his legs were so weak they would have collapsed under him without support. Dr. Botkin thought that braces on both legs would help. The rubber had gone to pieces on the braces he had been using. Olga and Tatiana took stays, hooks, and other parts of our corsets and made two braces that hooked in front. Not having any rubber, they padded these with cotton placed between two pieces of cloth. These proved to be effective and Alexei was able to go outdoors wearing these braces under his trousers.
Once when we walked around the courtyard some birds made a commotion. In my mind I wondered if they came from the Crimea. One little fellow warbled on so eternally that we were lifted as by a religious service. From then on we listened hungrily, each songster seeming a harbinger of that world so shut away from us.
Now our walks were cut down to fifteen minutes. The time was so short that it seemed we were back in the house at the moment of leaving! Olga used to say, “Back into the vault.”