One of my most vivid childhood experiences, when I was nearly four years old, happened on a Sunday when we sisters as usual were dressed in white, ready to go to church. We heard excited voices and saw Mother running upstairs. This frightened us and we all ran after her to the nursery. There I saw a spot of blood on little Alexei’s shirt. While nurse was bathing him he sneezed, thereby causing a discharge of blood from his navel. Though I was very young, I could easily tell from the faces about me that something was wrong. At the time just what it was I could not understand. A few years later, when I was about seven, we three younger children were playing in the garden when our brother fell over his cart. Soon a large blue swelling developed around his ankle. When Mother came she fainted at the sight, knowing it was the dreaded haemophilia that might kill her son. As a result, the lives of Father and Mother were noticeably saddened. Father searched in every country for a specialist, but without success.
We were continually reminded that we must be careful of Alexei. He was so easily hurt. The toys I was in the habit of bringing to him were removed before they reached his hands. Once he fell on his head and his face swelled so terribly that his eyes were almost closed and his whole face became a purplish yellow, a dreadful sight. At one moment he would be perfectly well; an hour later, he would lie in bed seriously ill. We were instructed not to speak to anybody about it, but we innocently gave away the secret of his illness to some members of our staff who had led us into believing that they already knew all about it.
Mother was constantly at his side, never trusting any one else to care for him. Each time, when he recovered, Mother was entirely exhausted, so much so that she was unable to leave her room for days at a time.
When Alexei was well and his normal chubby self, it was hard to remember that we had to be careful when we played with him. I often felt belligerent when he teased me saying, “Go away, you’re playing just like a little girl; you don’t know this game.” I maintained my composure pretty well and occasionally retaliated by refusing to play with him, but he bitterly complained of such treatment. Suddenly he would be well again at which time it was difficult to restrain him from getting too bold or playing games that might end in disaster.
Alexei had several guards, Cossacks who were trustworthy and on duty day and night. Every morning they searched the palace grounds before any member of the family could walk about in them. Alexei also had two special attendants. One was Derevenko, nicknamed Dina, a huge strong sailor, a member of the crew of Father’s yacht, the “Standard.” He was no relation of Dr. Derevenko, Alexei’s physician. Dina applied hot compresses and light massages to Alexei, when they were needed. Dina also gave foam treatments, and always carried him around when he was not able to walk. Unfortunately Dina turned against his master during the revolution and was later arrested by the Soviets when they found some of Alexei’s belongings in his luggage.
The other attendant was Nagorny. He was the last to give Alexei his usual care. Nagorny took charge of him during the revolution, and was killed in Ekaterinburg because he defended the little boy’s property. These two, Dina and Nagorny, were constantly at Alexei’s side to see that he did not harm himself. They helped my brother to grow to normal boyhood by using the exercises prescribed by Dr. Derevenko and the suggestions of M. Pierre Gilliard, our French tutor. They helped to carry on in such a way that the little fellow never suspected that he was being shielded. For he was not told of the serious nature of his illness but was to realize it for himself when he grew older.
At his birth Alexei received many titles: “Hetman of all the Cossacks,” “Knight of St. Andrew,” “Knight of the Seraphim of Sweden,” “Head of the Battalion of the Horse Infantry,” “Head of the Siberian Infantry,” “Head of the Cadet Corps” and others. Alexei loved everything military. I think he had a uniform for almost every military order in Russia. He was so proud to wear each one, and carried himself with true military bearing. From childhood he had worn a white sailor suit with ribbons around his collar. When we cruised in the Baltic, he wore a white sailor cap with the name “Standard” in white on a blue band. When cruising on the Black Sea he had a black band with yellow lettering.
One day in a snow storm I pulled Alexei on his sled. Then he insisted that it was his turn to pull me. Soon his hands became swollen but fortunately this did not result in one of his serious attacks. He was not permitted to take part freely in sports, though he was allowed to ride a tricycle and later a bicycle, when he was carefully followed by Dina. Finally he was allowed to drive a small motor car with his cousins or a friend.
Alexei had playmates other than myself. I remember a youngster who was driven up the driveway accompanied by a guard and well supplied with many toys. He had among other things a box of powdered chalk. Considering the boy an intruder and unable to hide my jealousy, while he was escorted by the runner, I snatched the box from his hand and scattered the contents all over the floor. It all happened so quickly that no one was able to stop me. Soon I was escorted to Mother. By the time I reached her I was all smiles—a bit strained to be sure. She sat silently and held my little hands, studying them and wondering how they could do such a thing. I peeked at her face, putting on my most winsome smile. Mother assured me that “Smiles will not help.” Just then Father came in and sent me to my room for the rest of the day. Later he came to see me and said, “You must not fight with your younger friends. Always be a little lady.” “I don’t want to be a lady,” I said defiantly. Father answered, “Then you cannot live in this place.” “Where will I live then?” “In one of the guard houses,” said Father. My dear Father often apologized for Alexei and myself.
Gentle as Father was, I took those remarks seriously, because I knew he always meant what he said. So I applied myself to the idea of “being a lady.” It soon paid off. Some time later when I was roaming through the park I chanced upon two workmen who were fighting in the ravine. It looked serious and desperate. With all the ladyship I could muster I ordered them to stop. To my astonishment they did. The contrast between little me and those two, so huge and menacing, convinced me that there must be something in this ladylike business after all.