By Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra
[Don Quixote believes that his Dulcinea may be freed from enchantment by Sancho Panza's inflicting upon himself of his own will "three thousand three hundred and odd lashes." Sancho has stopped at the fifth, and now the knight bribes him to continue.]
"For my part," said Don Quixote, "hadst thou demanded a fee for disenchanting Dulcinea, I can tell thee that I would have given it thee already. But I know not if a gratuity would accord with the cure; and I would not have the reward hinder the medicine. For all that, it seems to me that nothing will be lost by putting it to a trial. Look you, Sancho, to what you want, and scourge yourself at once, then pay yourself ready money with your own hand, since you keep my money." Sancho, opening his eyes and ears a span wide at this offer, gave consent in his heart to scourge himself with a good will. "Ay, sir, now you say well," quoth he to his master. "I am willing to dispose of myself to do you a pleasure in what may consist with my advantage, for my love for my children and wife makes me seem selfish. Tell me how much you will give me for each lash I give myself?"—"Were your payment, Sancho," said Don Quixote, "to be answerable to the greatness and quality of this cure, the wealth of Venice and the mines of Potosi would be small payment for thee. But see what you have of mine, and set the price on each stripe."—"The lashes," quoth Sancho, "are three thousand three hundred and odd, of which I have given myself five; the rest are to come. Let these five go for the odd ones, and let us come to the three thousand three hundred, which at a quartillo apiece—and I will not take less if all the world bid me—they make three thousand three hundred quartillos, of which three thousand make fifteen hundred half-reals, which amounts to seven hundred and fifty reals; and the three hundred remaining make an hundred and fifty half-reals, and three-score and fifteen reals; put that with the seven hundred and fifty, and it comes altogether to eight hundred and twenty-five reals. This I will deduct from what I hold of yours, and will return home rich and well pleased, though well whipped. But one must not think to catch trout—I say no more."—"O blessed Sancho! O amiable Sancho!" cried Don Quixote. "How shall Dulcinea and I be bound to serve thee all the days that Heaven shall give us of life! If she recover from her lost state (and it is not possible that she fail to do so), her misfortune will turn to her felicity, and my defeat to the happiest triumph. And hark ye, Sancho! when wilt thou enter upon thy discipline? For if thou hastenest it, I will add further a hundred reals more."—"When?" answered Sancho; "this very night without fail. Do you but order it that we lie in the fields under the open sky, and I will open my flesh."
Night arrived, awaited by Don Quixote with the greatest anxiety; and he fancied Phœbus had broken his chariot wheels, which made the day of so unusual a length,—as is always the case with lovers, who never make allowance for the reckoning of their desires. At last they entered amongst some pleasant trees that stood a little out of the road, where, leaving empty the saddle and pannel of Rozinante and Dapple, they stretched themselves upon the green grass, and supped from Sancho's wallet.
He, having made himself a heavy and flexible whip of Dapple's headstall and reins, retired about twenty paces from his master, amidst some beeches. Don Quixote, observing him go with readiness and resolution, said, "Have a care, friend; do not hack thyself to pieces. Give one stripe time to await another. Thou shouldst not so hurry in the race that thy breath fails in the midst; go more gently to work, soft and fair goes furthest; I mean, do not give it thyself so sharply that strength fails thee before the desired number is reached. And that you lose not for a card more or less, I will stand at a distance and keep count on my beads of the strokes thou givest thyself. Heaven favor thee as thy good intention deserves."—"Pledges do not hurt a good payer," said Sancho, "I mean to give it to myself in such a way that it hurts without killing me, for in this must lie the essence of this miracle." With that he stripped himself from the waist upwards, and seizing the lash began to lay on; while Don Quixote began to tell the strokes. But by the time Sancho had applied seven or eight lashes, he felt that the jest was a heavy one, and its price very cheap. Whereupon, after a short pause, he told his master that he had been deceived; for such lashes as these were each worth being paid for with a half-real, not a quartillo. "Go on, friend Sancho," said Don Quixote, "take courage, I will double the pay."—"God save us, let it rain stripes in that case," quoth Sancho. But the cunning knave left off laying on his back, and fell upon the trees, with groans every now and then, that one would have thought at each one of them he had been giving up the ghost. Don Quixote, who was tender-hearted, fearing he might make an end of his life, and that, by Sancho's imprudence, his wishes should not be attained, said, "On thy life, my friend, let this business rest at this point. This seems to be a very sharp sort of physic, and it will be well to take it at intervals. Rome was not built in a day. If I have not told wrong, thou hast given thyself above a thousand stripes; that is enough for the present; for, to use a homely phrase, 'the ass will carry his load, but not more than his load.'"—"No, no," quoth Sancho, "it shall never be said of me, 'When money's paid the arms are stayed.' Stand off a little, and let me lay on another thousand lashes or so, and then with another bout like this we shall have done with this job, and have something over."—"Since thou art so well in the humor," said Don Quixote, "I will withdraw, and Heaven strengthen and reward thee." Sancho fell to work so freshly that he soon fetched the bark off a number of trees; such was the severity with which he thrashed them! At length, raising his voice, and giving an outrageous blow to one of the beeches: "There!" cried he, "die thou shalt, Samson, and all that are about thee!" At the sound of this dismal cry, and the blow of the dreadful stroke, Don Quixote presently ran up, and laying hold on the twisted halter which served Sancho for a thong, "Fate forbid," cried he, "friend Sancho, that thou shouldst for my pleasure lose thy life, which has to serve for the maintenance of thy wife and children! Let Dulcinea stay for a better opportunity. I will contain myself within the limits of the hope that is nigh, and will wait till thou recoverest new strength, that the business may be accomplished to everybody's satisfaction."—"Well, sir," replied Sancho, "if it be your pleasure it should be so, so let it be, and welcome; and do so much as throw your cloak over my shoulders; for I am all in a sweat, and I have no mind to catch cold, for that is the danger that new disciplinants run." This Don Quixote did, and leaving himself unclad, covered up Sancho, who fell fast asleep till the sun waked him. Then they continued on their journey, which they brought to an end for that day at a village three leagues off. They alighted at an inn, for it was allowed by Don Quixote to be such, and not a castle, with deep ditch, towers, portcullises, and drawbridge; for since his defeat he spoke with more sense on all matters. He was lodged in a ground room, in which some old painted serge hangings, such as are often seen in villages, served for stamped leathers. On one of these was painted in a most vile style the rape of Helen, when the audacious guest stole her away from her husband, Menelaus; and on another was the story of Dido and Æneas,—the lady upon a lofty turret, as if making signs with half a sheet to her fugitive guest, who was flying from her across the sea in a frigate or brigantine. It was indicated in the two stories that Helen went with no very ill will, for she was smiling artfully and roguishly, but the fair Dido seemed to be shedding tears as large as walnuts from her eyes. Seeing which Don Quixote said, "These two ladies were unfortunate in not having been born in this age; and, above all, unfortunate am I for not having been born in theirs! For had I met those gentlemen, Troy would not have been burned, nor Carthage destroyed; for, by the death of Paris alone, all these miseries had been prevented."—"I will lay you a wager," quoth Sancho, "that before long there will not be a tavern, a victualing house, an inn, or a barber's shop but will have the story of our deeds painted along it. But I could wish that it may be done by the hands of a better painter than he that drew these."—"Thou art in the right, Sancho," said Don Quixote; "for this artist is like Orbaneja, a painter who was in Ubeda, who, being asked what he was painting, made answer, 'Whatever it shall turn out;' and if he chanced to draw a cock, he under-wrote, 'This is a cock,' lest any should take it for a fox. Of the same sort, it seems to me, Sancho, must be the painter or the writer (for it is all one) who produced the story of this new Don Quixote that has lately come out, for he painted or wrote 'whatever should turn out.' Or he must be like a poet called Mauleon, who went about Madrid some years ago, and would give answers extempore to any questions, and when somebody asked what was the meaning of 'Deum de Deo,' answered, 'Done as one can do.'
"But setting this aside, tell me, Sancho, if you think of taking another turn to-night? and would you rather do it under a roof or in the open air?"—"Why, truly, sir," quoth Sancho, "as to what I think of giving myself, it may be done as well at home as in the fields, but withal I could like it to be among trees; for methinks they keep me company, and help me marvelously to bear my sufferings."
THE RETURN AND DEATH OF DON QUIXOTE
By Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra
Finally, surrounded by boys, and attended by the curate and the bachelor, they entered the village, and got to Don Quixote's house, where they found at the door his housekeeper and his niece, that had already got the news of their arrival. Neither more nor less had been told to Teresa Panza, Sancho's wife, who, with her hair about her ears, and half dressed, dragging by the hand her daughter Sanchica, came running to see her husband. But when she found that he was not so well dressed as she thought a governor ought to be, she said to him, "What is the meaning of this, husband? You look as though you had come on foot, and tired off your legs! Why, you come more like a groveler than a governor!"—"Peace, Teresa," answered Sancho; "many a time when there are hooks, there are no flitches. Let us go home, and then I will tell thee wonders. I have taken care of the main chance. Money I have, which is the chief thing, earned by my own industry without wronging anybody."—"Hast thou got money, my good husband?" said Teresa. "Be it gained here or there, or however you like to gain it, you will have made no new sort of profit in the world." Sanchica, hugging her father, asked him if he had brought her anything, for she had been longing for him as for rain in May. Thus holding him by the girdle on one side, and his wife taking him by the hand, and his daughter leading Dapple, away they went to his house, leaving Don Quixote in his, under the care of his niece and housekeeper, in company with the curate and bachelor.