The Plagiarist From Rigel IV

by Evan Hunter

I laughed. "See? What did I tell you. Now you have to stoop to invective—" I paused for a moment and stared at the now-trembling keyboard with a frown. "Earthman? Of course I'm an Earthman. What did you expect?"

HAH! WHAT OTHER CREATURES IN THE GALAXIES COULD BE SO VAIN EXCEPT A BACKWARD RACE LIKE YOURS!

I watched the madly clacking keys with my eyes bugging. But I managed to keep my voice a polite sneer.

"Backward race? You seem to think Poe and Shakespeare were pretty progressive boys. We've got hundreds more, you know. What's your claim to fame?"

MY CLAIM TO FAME? ISN'T IT ENOUGH THAT I'M REACHING YOU ALL THE WAY FROM RIGEL IV? YOU HAVEN'T EVEN REACHED YOUR PUNY MOON YET!

I gulped at that but still managed a sneer. "So you're nothing but an eavesdropping alien. I should have known."

YOU ONLY KNOW NOW BECAUSE I'VE TOLD YOU. THAT PROVES HOW BACKWARD YOU ARE!

I flicked the shift key to hide the fact that my hand was trembling. "What do you want from—us?" I tried to make it sound bored and simulated a yawn.

i want to absorb your puny literature during my vacation—you've put me in lower case shift. this cramps my literary style.

I shrugged, then lifted a querulous eyebrow. "Literary style? You don't mean you actually have one yourself!" There was enough disdain in my voice to get a harsh clatter from the keys with a lot of meaningless gibberish. I reached over and flicked it back into caps.