Fortunately, or unfortunately, for her, Lucy knew nothing of all this. She was too sane and healthy-minded to be able to comprehend such a nature as her husband's, and with the curious fatality that had always marked her dealings with him, she now, instead of aiding, rather frustrated his efforts, and always, sadly enough, to her own undoing. It was not want of tact on her part, for of that quality Lucy had more than most, but simply that, being so normal herself, the comprehension of the abnormal was beyond her understanding; and, though touched and pleased with her husband's constant wish to be always with her, she yet fought against it, believing that he stayed solely to please her. With this idea in her mind, she was constantly urging him to leave her, and mix more with his kind; it was unnatural, she declared, for a man to wish to remain in the house all day with, at most, an hour's walk as his sole exercise. Of course, it was sweet of him to wish to be with her, and she appreciated the thought, but she would much rather he didn't; she could get on very well by herself, and he would always be home before dark.
Hector, driven in upon himself, would go off on long solitary rides—the worst thing for him—leaving Lucy happy in the consciousness of an unselfish action. How well she understood him, she thought, and what a dear he was. True, there was that one episode of the race-meeting—to which she owed the present state of her nerves—but even for that she had by now come to account. It had been an accident after all, she was certain, and Hector, to gratify his vanity, had made out it was intentional, and was hence naturally unable to feel the remorse, which she and Peter Carson, in their ignorance, had expected of him. Callous? Not he, why, every action of his since then had shown him to be the very reverse.
Gradually, braced by the clear Chillata air, and the prospect of a speedy return home, Lucy, though still feeble, had somewhat recovered, and with the arrival of her husband, on a quite unexpected two months' leave, was now almost happy. For the first two weeks after his coming she had been somewhat anxious, for talk in Chillata was almost exclusively of war, and the place thronged with applicants to be sent out to South Africa. Only too well did she realise Hector's vanity, and feared that he also, solely from a morbid disinclination to be left in the background, might in his turn apply; and she knew he would certainly succeed, as he always did, when those dreadful sudden fits of determination came upon him. It was therefore with a feeling of heartfelt relief that she saw him, apparently, in no way interested in the matter, though, had she known his mind, it is possible she would not have been so lighthearted on the subject, and would have been more than ever touched by a further proof of his devotion. For exactly what she had feared was in her husband's mind, and for that reason Hector avoided Chillata assemblies like the plague, refused to attend the theatre, despite Lucy's urgings, and, when obliged to pass that way, hurried by the Military Offices without a glance.
He was now, on this September morning, brooding over the subject, a crumpled copy of the Pioneer in his hand, detailing some fresh disaster, which he felt bitterly, had he been in command, would have been no defeat, but a brilliant success. For a week without intermission it had rained steadily, rendering even the short morning and evening walks impossible; and day after day, night after night, the rain had poured drearily down, rattling on the corrugated iron of the roof, turning Lucy's small garden into a quagmire, and shrouding the surrounding hills and valleys with a pall of white vapour. Small streams had become torrents; hill paths running rivulets; while from weeping fir-tree and chestnut sounded the continuous drip of water on dank fern and rotting vegetation. As Hector looked and heard, a feeling of depression came over him, and with it that other self began to make itself heard. The longing came over him to be off at once to the Military Offices, send in his application, and go, for despite the constant refusal to others, he had no doubt of success, were he to apply.
"Three weeks more of this," he reflected, "then two months' idling in the plains, and after that home, a year's loafing again, while others are making names and passing me. It's that which galls me, being out of it, I who could leave them all if I chose. Oh, curse my folly of five years ago, impulsive fool that I was; I could have got out of it easily too, if only they hadn't opposed me. If they'd made it easy, I don't think somehow I'd have persisted. Oh, damnation take it, here am I, with the best wife in the world, regretting. Apply? Not I. Oh, thank God, here she is. Lucy dear," throwing down the paper, and hurrying forward to meet the pale ghost who now entered, "it's good to see you down so early. Here's your chair, I've got the cushions and everything ready for you. There," settling her comfortably and tucking the shawl round her feet, "now tell me how you feel, better?"
"Much better, Hector dear, thanks to you and the way you cheer me up. I'm afraid I'm rather a burden to you now, and so very plain and unattractive. You can't call me pretty, as you used to."
"Nonsense, Lucy, you're prettier than ever, and far more attractive to me now, naturally."
"Oh no, I'm not, Hector. You only say that because, because ... you're the best husband in the world, so different from most men to their wives. But isn't that the Pioneer, any news of the war?"
"I'm sure I don't know, Lucy; the war, as you know, doesn't interest me."
"But surely it ought to, besides, there are so many we know fighting out there. Oh, Hector, how thankful I am you're not one of those who volunteered. It would have broken my heart had you done so."