Rachel laughed, and as Luke tried to catch hold of the letter to read it, knowing that it would amuse him, Rachel tore it quickly into pieces and threw it into the fire, saying triumphantly, "You were just too late. Besides the first part would have made you so conceited that there would be no holding you, and the last part so depressed that it would have unfitted you for your work."
[CHAPTER XIV.]
DISAPPOINTMENT.
That Spring was a crisis in Rachel's life. She felt to have travelled far along the road of experience since that moonlight night last summer, when she had thought that she had just married a man who would fulfil all her expectations and hopes.
She had, as it were, been exploring since her marriage, a new piece of country, and though she had often rejoiced to find herself on the mountain top, she had at times to walk in the shade of the valley. It was not quite what she had anticipated. There were rough places, and disappointing views, and she had had to confess that the landscape was not all as perfect as she had thought she would find it.
She took a long time before acknowledging to herself that Luke had somewhat disappointed her; and when she could hide the fact from herself no longer, she recognised at the same time that the disappointment was partly her own fault. She had expected too much from a human being; she had steadily refused to see any fault in him. But finding he had weaknesses, did not diminish her love for him in the least; it really enhanced it; and added something of a tender mother-love to that of a wife. And a time came when she could thank God that her eyes had been opened, and indeed opened so slowly that she was able to bear it. For she learnt the truth of those words:
"From the best bliss that earth imparts,
We turn unfilled to Thee again."
In her disappointment she turned to the ONE Who never disappoints, and Who is "the same yesterday, and to-day and for ever."
Till now she had lived for her husband, and her one absorbing aim had been to please him; her wish to do God's work in the parish was just to help Luke; he was the centre of all her thoughts; and she was conscious that her spiritual life had been hampered and dwarfed by the one consuming wish to be all in all to him.