Gradually there came a great depression over him, and he began to wonder if his soul would ever be stirred to its depths again by the sound of the Voice, and if ever again he would be given the chance of journeying towards the Radiant City.
So great was his depression and his loathing of himself, that one day he started off to try and find the herald, but he was told that he had left Punon some weeks ago. Despondently Amer made his way home, but he could not rest. He went about his work listlessly, and gradually his old companions began to drop off from him. He was not as good company as he used to be.
"Amer is not himself," said his father, "he is working too hard." But Amer suddenly found out that what was making him so restless and stirring his apparently dead soul again, was the Voice.
"Come out from among them," it cried, "and be ye separate." Was it his imagination? Was it fancy?
He was so miserable and so conscious of the sinfulness of himself and the unsatisfactoriness of his life, that after much agony of soul, he determined, even if it might be nothing but a morbid imagination, to start out for the Radiant City.
Even if there was such a place, he had no very strong hopes that he would be allowed to enter it. The Great King, if there was a King, might not care to have him after his resolute turning aside before. But, notwithstanding his doubts, he decided to venture, and should there be a King, to throw himself on His mercy.
This time, so miserable was he, and so full of fear that he might be shut out of the Radiant City, that he thought it was worth bearing scorn and laughter, if only he might start out on his journey. The one thing he now shrank from was losing Gabrielle, for he could not deceive himself for a moment about her. She was set against all mention of the Radiant City, and he knew right well that when he started on his journey he would have to give her up. He spent nights of anguish over the thought of this, but his fears lest he was too late to be accepted as a citizen of the Blessed City were growing so great, that even the thought of Gabrielle could not make him swerve from his resolution. Remembering however, his former conduct, and fearing lest his parents might not take his decision seriously, he determined to start on his journey without talking it over with them. But to Gabrielle he boldly mentioned it. Her answer was a derisive laugh.
"I shall believe it when you have started," she said, "and when you start we part for ever."
Saddened and almost despairing, Amer made his way towards the East Gate, which he remembered he had been told was the gate through which he would have to start.
But on nearing it he noticed that it was closed. Anxiously he looked around him and saw a man coming towards him.