A lawyer travelling by the Great Western to his circuit, wished to be alone in order to study a brief, and having for his single companion a mild clergyman, he got rid of him by affecting insanity. This he did so naturally that all the clergyman's efforts, after the first quarter of an hour, were directed to soothe and conciliate his fellow-passenger. As they passed the great Middlesex Asylum, he observed, like a nurse with a fractious child, "How pretty Hanwell looks from the railway." "Ah," answered the lawyer, with a slight bark, "you should see how the railway looks from Hanwell." At the next station the divine got out precipitately, and left the lawyer to himself.
[A CANNIBAL]
Willie had reached the tender and somewhat difficult age of six when his uncle Edward came on a visit. His first conversation proved rather trying.
"Uncle, you must be a sort o' cannibal.
"A what, sir? What d'yer mean, sir?" returned the uncle.
"'Cause mamma said you was always livin' on somebody!"
[TO LET--UNFURNISHED]
When it was suggested that the squire's son should enter Parliament he was asked which side he would take. The young man replied that he would vote with those who had the most to offer him, and that he should wear on his forehead a label "To Let." "Do, Tom," commented his father, "and write underneath those words 'unfurnished.'"
[A FRIEND OF SATAN]
A clergyman who was an enthusiastic geologist always carried his specimens about in a handkerchief such as navvies use to carry their dinners in. One day, as he was returning home with the handkerchief full of specimens, he saw a navvy seated at the top of a well swearing vigorously because he could not make the windlass work.