A foolish fellow went to the parish priest, and told him, with a very long face, that he had seen a ghost. "When and where?" said the pastor. "Last night," replied the timid man, "I was passing by the church, and up against the wall of it, did I behold the spectre." "In what shape did it appear?" replied the priest. "It appeared in the shape of a great ass." "Go home and say not a word about it," rejoined the pastor; "you are a very timid man, and have been frightened by your own shadow."
[GRACE]
A precocious child found the long graces used by his father before and after meals very tedious. One day, when the week's provisions had been delivered, he said, "I think, father, if you were to say grace over the whole lot at once, it would be a great saving of time."
[MISUNDERSTOOD]
A farmer in the neighbourhood of Doncaster was thus accosted by his landlord: "John, I am going to raise your rent." John replied, "Sir, I am very much obliged to you, for I cannot raise it myself."
[TRUMPS]
Ayrton, Charles Lamb's friend, only made one joke in his life; it was this. Lamb had his usual Wednesday-evening gathering, and Martin Burney and the rest were playing at whist. Ayrton contented himself with looking on. Presently he said to Burney, in an undertone, the latter not being notorious for his love of soap and water, "Ah! Martin, if dirt were trumps, what hands you'd hold!"
[THE STUTTERER]
An old woman received a letter from the post-office at New York. Not knowing how to read and being anxious to know the contents, supposing it to be from one of her absent sons, she called on a person near to read it to her. He accordingly began and read: "Charleston, June 23rd. Dear Mother"--then making a stop to find out what followed (as the writing was rather bad), the old lady exclaimed: "Oh, 'tis my poor Jerry, he always stuttered!"