["CAREFUL, NOW!"]
"How is it, Mary, that whenever I enter the kitchen I always find a man there?" enquired a mistress.
"I don't know, ma'am, indeed, unless it be them there soft shoes ye wears, that don't make no noise," replied Mary.
[SAFETY]
An English gentleman, travelling through the county of Kilkenny, came to a ford, and hired a boat to take him across. The water being rather more agitated than was agreeable to him, he asked the boatman if any person was ever lost in the passage! "Never," replied Terence; "never. My brother was drowned here last week; but we found him again the next day."
[O'BRIEN THE LUCID]
"You are not opaque, are you?" sarcastically asked one man of another who was standing in front of him at the theatre. "Faith, an' Oi'm not," replied the other. "It's O'Brien that Oi am."
[MERCY]
An old woman walking down the church aisle during service in a large red cloak, heard the minister say, "Lord, have mercy upon us!" then the clerk repeated, "Lord, have mercy upon us!" and then the whole congregation echoed, "Lord, have mercy upon us!" "Bless my heart!" cried she, stopping short, "did ye never see an old woman in a red cloak before."