Her bed was empty. It was half a dozen seconds before I saw the white thing pinned on the pillow. I walked over to it. It was a sealed envelope with my name and address on the outside. There was also a stamp on it. Evidently, she hadn’t been certain I was coming back, and in that event wanted the letter mailed to me.
I tore it open and read:
Darling — I guess this is the only way. You have your life and I have mine. The two never have mixed and never will. You’re you, and I’m me. I’ve got to get out of town. That roll I gave you came from slot machines, and a dick spotted me. I got away, but they’ll be looking for me. After you’d left, I talked with Louie. He’s been around and he knows the way I feel. I can’t work the slot machines without a man who’s handy with his fists, and who knows the racket. Louie sees it the same way I do. Only remember, Donald, it’s strictly a business partnership. That’s understood. And I won’t have trouble with Louie the way I did with Pug. Louie knows where my heart is — and he worships the ground you walk on. By this time, I guess you know about Pug. I’m not certain that you didn’t all along. It was either him or both of us. He kept that gun in the bureau drawer where he had some of his papers and things that he didn’t want to leave in his rooming-house. I told him I’d give him a drawer in the bureau. I knew there was a gun there. When he began to get so insanely jealous, I took the gun out and hid it in the dishpan in the kitchen. I knew he’d never look there. After he found us together on the street and had that trouble with the cop, he went directly to the apartment. He was wise. He turned off the lights and hid in the closet. I came in a few minutes after nine, turned on the lights, and Pug pushed open the closet door. He was crazy. I couldn’t do a thing with him. He swore that he was going to kill us both. He accused me of turning him over to the cops. He hit me, and then made a dash for the drawer to get the gun. I ran for the door. He headed me off. I got into the kitchen and slammed the door. I didn’t have time to lock it. We struggled for a minute at the door, and then he got it open, throwing me back against the sink. I whipped open the cupboard door and reached in the dishpan. He kept coming. I’m not the least bit sorry. I had to do it. According to your code, I should have notified the law and stayed there and told them my story, let them probe into my past, ask me about my means of making a living, hold me in jail as a material witness, and all that bunk. Well, that’s not my way of doing it. I walked across to the apartment next door and pounded on the door for Mrs. Clutmer — just to make certain that she wasn’t home. No one answered my knock so I just walked out, and left the door open. I ditched the gun where no one will ever find it. I swore I’d never rat, but I can’t hold out on you. There are some things you’ll have to know. The girl with the rabbit nose is named Dearborne. She’s strong for Philip Whitewell. Somebody in Whitewell’s organization who didn’t want the marriage to go through put detectives on Corla Burke. They uncovered her record and turned up Sid Jannix. I didn’t know him by that name. I knew him as Harry Beegan, and called him Pug because he’d been in the ring. I think Pug wrote the letter to Corla Burke and signed my name to it. He was pretty good at forgery. He wanted to get Corla Burke where he could squeeze her dry. She was too smart for him. Pug didn’t think up the scheme. It was someone else who did, someone who didn’t want the marriage to go through. Philip’s father knew about the letter to me. He wrote to the Dearbornes to look me up. The boy made the investigation, but his sister started cultivating me and trying to work me. She was suspicious of Pug. I don’t know how sheknew, but she did know he was connected with Corla Burke. She wanted to pump me. She was so obvious I just strung her along and didn’t bother to take her seriously. I’d had the apartment where you found me for a week. I knew things were coming to a head with Pug, and I wanted a way to leave him for good when I walked out. I knew he’d never think of looking for me in another apartment in the same city. But after the killing, I had to sit absolutely tight. I went out to get some grub — and darned if I didn’t run into the Dearborne girl on the street. She knew I was hiding and offered to see me through. Why, I don’t know. Pug had taken the roll from me as soon as I came in, and I didn’t have over thirty cents to my name. The Dearborne girl offered to get grub. Well, I let her. We’re taking your car for a few days. I have an idea you won’t need it. When we get done with it, I’ll drop you a note at your office telling you where you can find it. I love you more than I have ever loved anyone in the world, and I’m taking a powder because I don’t want anything to interfere with the memory of the time we spent together. I know it’s finished. I know we can’t go on. I know that if I try, something is going to happen to rob that memory of all its sweetness. Louie doesn’t understand all the details, but he knows enough to get the sketch. He says if there’s ever anyone you want killed, all you have to do is put an ad in the personal columns of the Los Angeles papers, saying, “Louie, She guy’s name is so-and-so.” Louie would lay down his life for you. Louie says it’s because you’re a real champ, that people feel that way about you. I think it’s because you’re so darn clean and decent. Anyway, we’re both for you and we’re both saying — Good-by.
I was shivering with the cold and a nervous chill. My hand was shaking so I could hardly hold the letter. I turned on the hot water in the shower. When it was good and hot, I got out of my clothes and stood under the stream, letting the water run as hot as I could stand it. When I got out, I felt a little better. I rubbed myself with a towel, went out into the kitchen, and looked in the wood stove. Leave it to Louie to think of little things like that. He’d laid the fire with kindling and dry wood, so all I had to do was touch a match to it.
When the fire was roaring into flame, I lifted the cover from the stove and dropped in Helen’s letter. I put on some coffee, and looked through the cupboard to see if, by any chance, there was any whisky. I couldn’t find any. The warmth of the hot shower left me, and I was standing over the stove once more, shivering.
The east was splashed with vivid crimson, then the sun came up. The wood stove did its stuff, and my bones began to thaw out. The coffee started bubbling, and I had two big cups. By that time, I realized I was hungry. I broke some eggs into a frying-pan, scrambled them, made some toast in the oven, and had another cup of coffee with the eggs and toast. The kitchen was good and warm by that time.
I tried to smoke a cigarette, but the room gave me the jitters. Every article in it reminded me of her. The whole place was vibrant with memories — and desolate as a tomb.
I packed my bag and went out to stand in the sunlight. I couldn’t wait in the house any more.
The man who owned the gas station came out, and unlocked his pumps, rubbing his eyes sleepily. I walked over to him and said, “I’ve got to leave by plane. The others have taken the car and gone on. There are some provisions in the house you can have if you want.”
He thanked me, looked at me curiously, and said, “I thought I heard your wife and the other man drive away last night.”