"No," said several of us neuter genders who had repeatedly heard all about it, but were desirous that those who had not been thus gratified, especially the ladies, and particularly a Miss Scarlatina, who was dieting for a tour to the famed Springs—"tell us all about it, Major."
"Then," said the Major, with his favorite exclamation, "then, by the banks of Brandywine, if I don't tell you. You see, last summer was two years, I came to the conclusion, that I'd stop off business, altogether, brush up a little, and go forth a mite more in the world, and I went. A friend of mine, a married man, was going up north to Saratogy, with his wife and sister—a plaguy nice young woman, the sister was, too; well, I don't know how it was, exactly, but somehow or other, it came into my head, especially as my friend Padlock had asked me if I wouldn't like to go up to Saratogy—that I'd go, and I went. It was odd enough, to be sure," said Uncle Joe, taking a pinch of rappee from his tortoise-shell box—"very odd, in fact, but somehow or other, Mrs. Padlock, being in poor health, and her sister, a rather volatile and inexperienced young woman, you may say—"
"So that you had to beau her along the way, Uncle Joe?" says several of the company.
"Well, yes; it was very odd, I don't know how it was, but somehow or other, I-a—I-a—"
"Out with it, Uncle Joe—own up; you cottoned to the young lady, gallant as possible, eh?" says the gents.
"Ha! ha! it's a very delicate thing, very delicate, I assure you, gentlemen, for an old bachelor to be on the slightest terms of intimacy with a young—"
"And beautiful!" echoed the company.
"Unexperienced," continued the Major.
"And unprotected," says the chorus.
"Volatile," added the Major.