Contrary to European custom, the young men are sought in marriage by the parents of the girl, or through the intermediary, in imitation of their ancestors, who employed such persons in this service.
The usual age for the men is twenty-five, and for the girls eighteen. The dowry is settled in the presence of witnesses, who bear testimony to the right of inheritance of the children, and the arravón is considered concluded when the bridegroom declares himself satisfied with the amount of the promised dowry. This belongs unconditionally to the husband, except in case of divorce, when it is returned, in accordance with a law identical with that of the ancient Athenians. The modern Greeks appear to attach as much importance to the dowry as the ancient, although it is no longer meant to denote the difference between the γυνή and the παλλακή, which was marked by the wife bringing a dowry whilst the concubine brought none.
The trousseau is being prepared long before it is required by the careful parents, who by degrees buy all the materials for it, the girl herself having no other concern than to give her help towards making up the various articles of dress.
No Greek of the present day would refuse to co-operate with his father in portioning his sisters. He will renounce to himself the privilege of taking a wife while any of his sisters remain unmarried.
As soon as the engagement is made public, the συνδεδεμένος, in company with his relatives and friends, pays his respects to the house of his future wife, who presents herself in an extremely bashful attitude, her eyes cast down, her hands crossed on her breast, and her mien on the whole that of one who tries to conceal pride and joy under a stiff and conceited exterior.[25] Receiving the felicitations of those present, she bows three times, and then retires. Gilt βασιλικός (basil) is offered as a memento of the event, a relic of the ancients, who used herbs and flowers in connection with the affairs of marriage. As the company retire, the ἀρραβωνιαστική (bride), standing at the head of the staircase, kisses the hands of her future husband and his friends, receiving in return gifts of gold coins. This custom of kissing hands on the part of the woman is a humiliating, but in the East a common, mark of submission, which our western ideas have happily reversed.
It is customary for the bridegroom to send occasional presents to the bride in the interval—of varying length—between the betrothal and the wedding. The document containing the conditions of the ἀρραβών is delivered to the bridegroom on the Sunday previous to the wedding, and its receipt is acknowledged by a present of bonbons, henna, hair-dye, rouge, and soap, together with a double flask containing wine.
On Monday, the bride and her maiden friends collect, and, as in olden time, sift the grain, which, on its return from the mill, will be converted by them into bridal cakes. Very bright are the faces and very merry the voices of these young maidens thus busily employed; the room resounds with their gay laughter and joyous songs. On Wednesday the gay company again assembles, increased in number by friends and relatives, who arrive in the evening to assist in kneading the dough. The trough is brought in and filled with a snowy pile of flour, which the Macedonian maidens delight in converting into savory cakes that none could disdain to partake of; and, especially on this occasion, they do their utmost to make them worthy emblems of what their ancestors intended them to represent. The trough is occupied at one end by a saddle mounted by a boy girded with a sword; on the other by a girl, whose tiny hands must be the first to mix the dough and lose in it the ring and coins. These children must be bright and happy, their lives unclouded by the death of even a distant relation. This custom, having survived the march of centuries, is left as an inheritance to the Macedonians, pointing out to the γαμβρός (bridegroom) the duties of the husband, the care and defence of his home,—together with his out-door labors,—while it signifies to the Macedonian maiden that she cannot begin too early to attend to her household affairs. The kneading is continued by more experienced hands, and the dough left till the morrow, when it is divided into portions and handed round to the company, who all hopefully look for the hidden ring, for which the lucky finder receives a present when returning it to the bridegroom. The paste, re-collected, is mixed with the rest of the dough, from which the propkasto (wedding cake) and a variety of other cakes are made. On Thursday the propkasto is placed over a bowl of water, round which, after the merry mid-day meal, the happy youths and maidens dance three times, singing a song suited to the occasion. The cake is then taken up, broken in pieces, and, together with figs and other fruits, thrown over the heads of the couple; the children, scrambling for these, are covered with a blanket, another surviving custom of ancient Greece, figs and cakes denoting plenty, rendered doubly significant by the scrambling children covered with the blanket, emblematic of the future fruitfulness of the union itself.
Friday is reserved for the interchange of presents between the bride and bridegroom, each awaiting with loving curiosity the expected gift of the other; the right of the first surprise belongs to the bride, whose beating heart responds to the distant sounds of music that herald the approach of the bearers, who, on arrival, after having been thanked and refreshed, are intrusted with the presents destined by her for her betrothed.
On Saturday, invitations are issued, a formality extended to the bride and bridegroom who invite one another, enlivened, as regards the Koumbáros and Koumbára,[26] with bands of music, which, accompanying the invitation, lead these distinguished visitors back to partake of the festivities of the day.
In the evening the young girls for the last time rally round their comrade, who, on the next day, is to leave their ranks; and, amid songs, tears, and vows of unalterable friendship, the bride abandons her youthful locks, dyed black, into the hands of her friends, who dress it in a number of plaits in readiness for the next day. The bridegroom on his part, accompanied by his friends and cheered by the sounds of lively music, submits to the operation of shaving; during which operation an ode to the razor is sung.