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Oh, how I did wince to think of going on again after this scene, though the feeling of the audience was most evident; for all the applause I had fancied they bestowed upon my dress was, in fact, an unsolicited testimony of their disbelief in the accusation brought against me. They received my father's words with acclamations; and when the curtain drew up, and I was discovered, the pit rose and waved their hats, and the applause was tremendous. I was crying dreadfully, and could hardly speak; however, I mastered myself and went on with my part,—though, what with the dreadful exertion that it is in itself, and the painful excitement I had just undergone, I thought I should have fainted before I got through with it.
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Saturday, Feb. 2d.
After breakfast, —— called to see how I did after my walk: he sat for some time. At twelve, went out paying bills and calls; bought a German æolina; sat some time with old Mrs. ——, and spent a delightful hour with Mr. —— and his family. He is a most agreeable person, but he thinks too well of acting. Came home; dined at three; Mr. and Mrs. —— dined with us. After dinner, went into her room, and remained there till time to go to the theatre. Young —— and Dr. —— came in. The play was the Gamester: it was my benefit, and I am afraid the good folks who addressed that amiable placard to the public will have been rather ill satisfied with their suggestion about my benefit. The house was literally crammed, in consequence of that very circumstance,—crammed is the word. When the curtain drew up, they applauded me without end, and I courtesied as profoundly as I was able; indeed, I am extremely obliged to this same excellent public, for they have testified most satisfactorily every way the kindest feeling possible for me, and the most entire faith in my good behaviour. I did not play well, my voice was so dreadfully affected by my cough.
Monday, 4th.
Dined at three. After dinner, Mrs. —— came into our room, where I sang and played till time to go to the theatre. The play was the Merchant of Venice, and Katharine and Petruchio for the farce;—my father's benefit: the house was crammed from floor to ceiling, as full as it could hold: so much for the success of the hand-bills. Indeed, as somebody suggested, I think if we could find the author of that placard out we are bound to give him a handsome reward, for he certainly has given us two of the finest benefits that ever were seen. I heard that a man said the other day that he should not be surprised if my father had got the whole of this up himself. Oh, day and night! that such thoughts should come into any human being's head.[88] At the end, the people shouted and shrieked for us. He went on, and made them a speech, and I went on and made them a courtesy; and certainly they do deserve the civillest of speeches, and lowest of courtesies from us, for they have behaved most kindly and courteously to us; and, for mine own good part, I love the whole city of Philadelphia from this time forth, for evermore.[89]