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The singing in church was excellent, and Dr. ——'s sermon very good, too: he wants sternness; but that is my particular fancy about a clergyman, and by most people would be accounted no want. It was not sacrament Sunday; D—— was disappointed; and I mistaken. Mr. —— walked home with us. After church, wrote journal. —— called, and sat with us during dinner, telling us stories of the flogging of slaves, as he himself had witnessed it in the south, that forced the colour into my face, the tears into my eyes, and strained every muscle in my body with positive rage and indignation: he made me perfectly sick with it. When he was gone, my father went to Colonel ——'s. I played all through Mr. ——'s edition of Cinderella, and then wrote three long letters, which kept me up till nearly one o'clock. Oh, bugs, fleas, flies, ants, and musquitoes, great is the misery you inflict upon me! I sit slapping my own face all day, and lie thumping my pillow all night: 'tis a perfect nuisance to be devoured of creatures before one's in the ground; it isn't fair. Wrote to Mr. ——, to ask if he would ride with me on Tuesday. I am dying to be on horseback again.
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Monday, 24th.
Rose at eight: went and took a bath. After breakfast, went to rehearsal: Venice Preserved, with Mr. Keppel, who did not appear to me to know the words even, and seemed perfectly bewildered at being asked to do the common business of the piece. "Mercy on me! what will he do to-night?" thought I. Came home and got things ready for the theatre. Received a visit from poor Mr. ——, who has got the lumbago, as Sir Peter would say, "on purpose," I believe, to prevent my riding out to-morrow. Dined at three: after dinner, played and sang through Cinderella; wrote journal: at six, went to the theatre. My gown was horribly ill-plaited, and I looked like a blue bag. The house was very full, and they received Mr. K—— with acclamations and shouts of applause. When I went on, I was all but tumbling down at the sight of my Jaffier, who looked like the apothecary in Romeo and Juliet, with the addition of some devilish red slashes along his thighs and arms. The first scene passed well and so: but, oh, the next, and the next, and the next to that! Whenever he was not glued to my side (and that was seldom), he stood three yards behind me; he did nothing but seize my hand, and grapple to it so hard, that unless I had knocked him down (which I felt much inclined to try), I could not disengage myself. In the senate scene, when I was entreating for mercy, and struggling, as Otway has it, for my life, he was prancing round the stage in every direction, flourishing his dagger in the air: I wish to Heaven I had got up and run away: it would but have been natural, and have served him extremely right. In the parting scene,—oh what a scene it was!—instead of going away from me when he said "farewell for ever," he stuck to my skirts, though in the same breath that I adjured him, in the words of my part, not to leave me, I added, aside, "Get away from me, oh do!" When I exclaimed, "Not one kiss at parting," he kept embracing and kissing me like mad: and when I ought to have been pursuing him, and calling after him, "Leave thy dagger with me," he hung himself up against the wing, and remained dangling there for five minutes. I was half crazy! and the good people sat and swallowed it all: they deserved it, by my troth, they did. I prompted him constantly; and once, after struggling in vain to free myself from him, was obliged, in the middle of my part, to exclaim, "You hurt me dreadfully, Mr. Keppel!" He clung to me, cramped me, crumpled me,—dreadful! I never experienced any thing like this before, and made up my mind that I never would again. I played of course like a wretch, finished my part as well as I could, and, as soon as the play was over, went to my father and Mr. Simpson, and declared to them both my determination not to go upon the stage again, with that gentleman for a hero. Three trials are as many as, in reason, any body can demand, and, come what come may, I will not be subjected to this sort of experiment again. At the end of the play, the clever New Yorkians actually called for Mr. Keppel! and this most worthless clapping of hands, most worthlessly bestowed upon such a worthless object, is what, by the nature of my craft, I am bound to care for; I spit at it from the bottom of my soul! Talking of applause, the man who acted Bedamar to-night thought fit to be two hours dragging me off the stage; in consequence of which I had to scream, "Jaffier, Jaffier," till I thought I should have broken a blood-vessel. On my remonstrating with him upon this, he said, "Well, you are rewarded, listen:" the people were clapping and shouting vehemently: this is the whole history of acting and actors. We came home tired, and thoroughly disgusted, and found no supper. The cooks, who do not live in the house, but come and do their work, and depart home whenever it suits their convenience, had not thought proper to stay to prepare any supper for us: so we had to wait for the readiest things that could be procured out of doors for us—this was pleasant[18]—very! At last appeared a cold boiled fowl, and some monstrous oysters, that looked for all the world like an antediluvian race of oysters, "for in those days there were giants." Six mouthfuls each: they were well-flavoured; but their size displeased my eye, and I swallowed but one, and came to bed.
Friday, 28th.
A letter from England, the first from dear ——. D—— brought it me while I was dressing, and oh, how welcome, how welcome it was!
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