"I have been," he answered sadly, "but I am mad no longer."
She put out her hand to grasp the back of the chair and steady herself, still looking at him in amazement. She was not indignant--she was not angered--she was simply bewildered.
"I don't understand you," she said at length, in a dull tone. "What are you saying to me? What do you mean?"
"I mean that I love you too well for my own peace of mind," he said steadily.
"Love me?--the wife of another man!"
"Will you sit down, Lady Errington?" observed Eustace, in a measured tone; "I will tell you all."
"I cannot listen. Such words from you are an insult."
"You will not say so when you hear what I have to tell."
Alizon sat down again in her chair, clasped her slender hands together, then, looking steadily at his face, made a sign for him to go on, but otherwise gave no token of emotion.
"When I met you at Como," said Eustace, his usually slow enunciation quickened by a powerful emotion, "I fell in love with you. Ah, you need not make that gesture of indignation--the passion was none of my seeking. The most virtuous woman could take no exception to such unrequited homage. I always was a strange man in my likes and dislikes, as you have no doubt heard. Never before had I met a woman I cared about. They tired me with their falseness and follies, but in you I saw for the first time an ideal which had been in my mind for many years. I dared not speak, as you were the wife of my cousin, and it would have been dishonourable, therefore I went away, and for many months strove to forget. Nature, however, was stronger than I was, and when I came back and saw you again, I found that I was more in love than ever. Still I said nothing, and kept out of your presence as much as I was able. Through the difference between yourself and Guy, I was unavoidably forced to see you often. What could I do? A man's passions are not always under his control. All women are not as pure and cold as you. I was afraid of myself, I was afraid of you, and in order to solve the difficulty I did my best to bring you and Guy together. I spoke to you--I spoke to Guy--but all was useless. He has gone back to Mrs. Veilsturm, and forgets with her all his duties to you. I do not say he is right, but I say he is much to be pitied. Still, whatever my feelings may be towards him, the actual facts remain the same. He is with another woman, and you are left alone in the world. I foolishly dreamed that it might be my fate to release you from this unhappy position. I thought you might divorce the husband who has wronged you, but you refuse to do so, for the sake of the child. Ah, that is the god of your idolatry--you care for nothing in the world save your child. It is the selfish passion of motherhood--pure, good, elevating --but still selfish. It is the child that came between you and your husband--it is the child who comes now between you and me. My love remains unaltered--it will always be the same--and had you been free I might have spoken to you without dishonour. You refuse to loosen the bonds of your loveless marriage, and as I cannot be your lover or your husband, I dare not be your friend. Your husband is parted from you--he will never return. I am going away on a perilous journey--I will never return. Therefore you will be alone with what you love best in the world--your child."