“Ye're a thraitor,” said Mr. Hennessy.
“I know it,” said Mr. Dooley, complacently.
“Ye're an anti-expansionist.”
“If ye say that again,” cried Mr. Dooley, angrily, “I'll smash in ye'er head.”
UNDERESTIMATING THE ENEMY
“What d'ye think iv th' war?” Mr. Hennessy asked.
“I think I want to go out an' apologize to Shafter,” said Mr. Dooley.
“I'm like ivrybody else, be hivins, I thought war was like shootin' glass balls. I niver thought iv th' glass balls thrainin' a dinnymite gun on me. 'Tis a thrait iv us Anglo-Saxons that we look on an inimy as a target. If ye hit him ye get three good see-gars. We're like people that dhreams iv fights. In me dhreams I niver lost wan fight. A man I niver saw befure comes up an' says something mane to me, that I can't raymimber, an' I climb into him an' 'tis all over in a minyit. He niver hits me, or if he does I don't feel it. I put him on his back an' bate him to death. An' thin I help mesilf to his watch an' chain an' me frinds come down an' say, 'Martin, ye haven't a scratch,' an' con-grathlate me, an' I wandher ar-roun' th' sthreets with a chip on me shoulder till I look down an' see that I haven't a stitch on me but a short shirt. An' thin I wake up. Th' list iv knock-outs to me credit in dhreams wud make Fitzsimmons feel poor. But ne'er a wan iv thim was printed in th' pa-apers.”