Later in the evening Apollinaris or other sparkling waters may be brought in. The men rejoin the ladies in the drawing-room after a short interval of time. Music, recitations, or other form of entertainment may be given for the amusement of the company. Dancing is now popular at all hours, and people who are fond of cards finish the evening with bridge or some other game. If the hosts have not arranged any after-dinner programme, the guests take their leave about half an hour after the men have returned to the drawing-room. There is no absolute rule about this, as much depends on the lateness of the hour. If some of those present are “going on” to a dance or a reception, they will excuse themselves as soon as they can without appearing brusque or discourteous to their hosts. According to modern rule, a dinner should not last more than an hour and a half. If the guests sit down to table at a quarter-past eight and arise from it at a quarter before ten o’clock, the hour for departure would be somewhere between half-past ten and eleven o’clock. The custom of waiting until the lady who is the guest of honor has taken her leave is growing in favor. This makes it incumbent on her not to linger too long, lest she should inadvertently detain others who desire to go.
One of the most important duties of the diner-out is to talk and to listen to his next-door neighbors. At a small dinner the conversation may become general, but where a great many guests are seated at a large table, this is hardly possible. Some charming talker to whom it would be delightful to listen may sit opposite to you, or two or three places away. If you should yield to the temptation and neglect your dinner-partner, or, still worse, if you should talk across her to the more interesting guest, you would be committing a breach of good manners. At a large and formal dinner, the hostess talks first to the man on her right hand and later to the one on her left. The guests follow her example, turning to speak to the other neighbor soon after she does. This is called “The turning of the table.”
If one has received an invitation to dinner, it is necessary to call in person within one or two weeks after the event. This rule applies to other invitations also, but it is construed with special strictness in the case of a dinner. In New York, with its immense distances, a busy man may be unable to make the “visit of digestion” within a fortnight. In this case he should send his card by mail and call when he can command the time. Men now pay visits in the late afternoon, at five or six o’clock, formal evening calls having gone out of fashion in the large cities.
V
BRIDESMAIDS’ LUNCHEONS, BACHELOR DINNERS, AND WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES
Guests to be Invited—Etiquette and Dress for Bridesmaids’ Luncheons—Etiquette and Dress for Bachelor Dinners—Things to be Done and Things to be Avoided—Wedding Anniversaries—The Right and the Wrong Way to Celebrate Them—Form of Invitation.
“HOW many bridesmaids shall I have at my wedding?” Many a young girl asks herself this question, to which it is not easy to give a categorical answer. We will, however, say to her: choose your attendants for this beautiful day in your life from among those you love and who love you. If you have several sisters and dear friends, the selection may be a little difficult, but doubtless there are some who are nearer to you than others. If you have no sisters, or if they are all married, you perhaps have one or more cousins to represent the family, and you will want to include a sister or other near relative of your fiancé for his sake. Let the number of your bridesmaids be decided by that of the young women you would like to have around you at your wedding, provided always this is not so large as to appear ostentatious. You should also consider the question of expense, since it is now the custom for the bride to make a gift to each of her attendants. If the ceremony takes place at church, her family also pay for the carriages for the bridesmaids. A large church wedding is a very costly affair, and a young girl should be considerate in the demands upon her father’s purse. The expenditure for a wedding should be in proportion to the means of the bride’s family, since etiquette demands that they and not the groom should meet it. If the function is unduly elaborate, unfavorable criticism is almost sure to result.
If you decide to be married at home, you will not have more than one or two bridesmaids; at church, four or six is a good number. More than eight seem ostentatious, unless under exceptional circumstances. You may like in addition to have your sister or dearest friend act as maid of honor. A young married woman sometimes acts as matron of honor; but this is in contravention of the good old custom of surrounding the bride with a group of maidens. Be sure to make your selection, and to ask your friends to officiate as bridesmaids, in good season. It is your privilege to choose the costumes they are to wear. In doing this we hope you will not be carried away by the charms of the fashion-book models, but will bear in mind the complexion and figure of your friends as they actually exist in real life. You will certainly want them to look their best, for your sake as well as their own. The bride is always the great center of attraction, but if she has good taste she will desire to have the wedding cortège form a harmonious whole. For this purpose the costumes of the bridesmaids may be all alike, or there may be a diversity of coloring. The two that walk together should be dressed alike.
Pray be careful also not to make the toilettes so expensive as to be a strain upon the means of your young friends. You may, of course, if your means or those of your family permit, pay for their whole outfit or for certain portions, such as hats or gloves. But this is not customary, although it is occasionally done by a bride rich in this world’s gear.
Should a young woman give a luncheon or a dinner to her bridesmaids? The idea of thus gathering her mates around her for the last time before she enters upon a new, joyous, and yet serious phase of her life is a very happy one, provided always that the occasion does not furnish the proverbial last straw of the camel’s load. The preparations for a modern church wedding are so many and so extensive that a bride may go to the altar utterly worn out and looking not her best, but her worst. Her mother should certainly guard a daughter very carefully against over-fatigue; but in many cases she obviously does not. To the bridegroom the parade and show are usually extremely distasteful, and he only submits to them because he cannot help himself. He goes through the trying ordeal in the spirit of the good knights of old, that he may win his “dear ladye” for his own. We cannot, therefore, advise our bride to give a bridesmaids’ luncheon if she is already wearied by many tasks. In this case we should advise the substitution of an afternoon tea, to which she may, if she pleases, invite the groom, best man, and ushers. Perhaps, however, she is so fortunate as to have relatives and friends who will take the brunt of the fatigue, or, if she is rich, clever and experienced women can be hired to assist her.